Where do I start? I have so many issues that I want to just vent! First off I am a single mother of 5 kids. I am married but my husband is not with us right now. He is from a different country and we are trying to get him in the country legally and that is taking a lot longer than I ever expected. I work full time and I recieve No help! My day starts at about 6:30 a.m. I get up and get myself ready fro work. At 7 a.m. I get my 3 oldest kids up so they can get ready for school. Then I get the babies up. I get my 2 year old up first because he is usually the most cooperative. Then if I have enough time I wake up my 3 year old. He usually fights with me to get ready so most of th time I just pack a backpack with his clothes and shoes and bring him to daycare in his pj's. Then I get the older kids off to school at about 7:35a.m. and I am off with the babies to daycare. I drop them off and make a quick stop at the gas station for some needed coffee. Then off to work. I work as an administrative assistant for a gas company. I like my job but its like I have to put a front up at work because I don'y want anybody to know what my life is really like. Everybody at work is like the perfect, church going person and here I am the mother with all the kids. At work I seem so put together and then it's time to go home. At 4:30 I leave work and pick up the babies from daycare. I get home and start supper right away. By like 6 p.m. we eat and I get the two babies in the bathtub. When they are in the tub I am tring to get some laundry started. I give them a bath and get them dressed. By now its about 7 p.m. and I am exausted by now but I am still not done with my day. I try to get the house picked up and the babies out to bed. By like 9p.m. I can finally just sit down. But most of the time I am folding laundry, putting another load in, vacuuming the floors, sweeping up the kitchen, and putting the clean clothes away. I just go through my routine everyday like a robot. At like 10p.m. I can finally get to sleep. Only to start all over again the next morning. Fridays when I am done with work I go  grocery shopping and on saturdays I clean my house.
I don't recieve any child support so I live paycheck to paycheck and most of the time not even that covers everything. I stress out every week about bills. I never in my wildest dreams thought this is going to be my life. I want to cry everyday but I don't because I don't want to let my--I am a strong woman--guard down. I think if I let myself cry I will just start to fall apart. 
I live in a very small town where I have no support system. No family close enough to help me and i don't think they would even if I were close enough. My children's fathers are no help what so ever. One has never even attempted to see her--she is 11. The other one-- I have no idea where he is half of the time--his kids are 9 and 7. And my husband--well he is in a whole different situation. He was in this country and we wanted to get his "papers" and now he is in Mexico waiting for his papers to come through. His kids are the two babies. I moved to this small town because my husband had a good job here. Well with all of the imigration issues in our country we thought he needs to get his papers and soon. But this process is so long and expensive! So right now and for the past year I have been single. I don't have any good friends where I live. I have a few friends but nobody I would trust with my kids or my issues.
So I am stuck. What do I do?? I have no clue. I just hate the situation I am in right now! Yes my older kids do help me out but they are just kids too. I don't want to fall apart in front of them because right now I am all they have and if I am not the strong one then who is? Who will keep this family together? But i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I am so unhappy right now. I an just emotionless. I go from day to day trying to hold thing together and its not working. But I can't let anybody know this.
What do I do? Who do I turn to when I need somebdy there for me? I feel like I am here alone!
That's all for now,
ME