For My Son,
I'm afraid I don't have your mothers talent when it comes to the written word. I tend to articulate better than her, but when it comes to writing it...I think too fast, faster than I can write!
Anyway...in years to come you will be able to look back on these blogs, and from your mums especially, you will get a deep insight into our lives at this time, the circumstances that led to your arrival, and how we fell in love, also what we have been through in such a short time.
When you have read your mothers, you will be in no doubt as to what was in her mind and her heart at this time, but with mine, it may not be so clear. So this is to sort that.
I cant wait to meet you, hold you and start getting to know you. I dont know what I'm gonna teach you, I have to be honest with that. Your mother, she is going places, she has potential and the ability to do whatever she wants to do. Me...I fear my time has passed, and anyway...my job is to make sure you're both safe and secure and want for nothing, and that I promise to do.
We are going to name you Stan, after my dad. Not because he was a good dad - he wasnt - but because he was my dad and I loved him. I will be more to you than he was to me, even though I share some similarities with him, personality-wise.
He loved the racing - dogs and horses - and so do I. Its my job, what I do, and what I love. The difference between him and me is I know when to stop and see what else is around me, your granddad didnt know when to stop with alot of things.
I will always have time for you and your mum, always. You are both the centre of my existence.
I hope you will always be able to come to me, with any problem or issue, and that we will always be able to talk, you and I. I would like to think we would never argue but thats unrealistic I guess. By the time you are 15, I will be 60 so cut your old man some slack, wont you? Haha x You may not always have what you want, but I guarantee you will always have what you need.
So...which one of us will be the discipliner and which one the softie? I'm afraid I'm not sure on that one. If I ever tell you off for something, or tell you I dont want you to do it...I am probably talking from bitter experience, so please trust me. Your old man is not perfect and has made his share of mistakes. I will never make a secret of the fact that I did do 18months inside for fraud. I was young and greedy and a part of something that got out of hand. Of course, I am not proud, but you live and learn. If I am ever over harsh its only because I know what can happen if you screw up and I want more for you.
I hope to offer you a happy life, a secure life and the kind of home environment you can come back to after a tough day at school or whatever and feel happy in, content and loved. I love your mum so much and we always be that way, so you will always have us both, although I am aware that you may have your mother long after I am gone.
I spent my teenage years dreaming of being someone important, my twenties dreaming of being rich, my thirties dreaming of finding that special someone and now in my forties...all of that has come true. I am important to someone, rich in so many ways and have found that special someone in your mum.
I cant promise I will always get it right. I cant promise I will never let you down (only that it will never be intentional), all I can unoquivicably promise you is that I will love you, both of you, unconditonally, for the rest of my days.
I dont know what else to say so I will leave it there for now and may add to this at a later date
Until then...as I said at the start, I cant wait to meet you, and I love you with all my heart
Lots of love now and forever,
Daddy xxxx
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