(((((((((HUGS))))))))

thankyou for you words traveler they were touching and fit right where i am so no worries. you words were true.

i know that im doing well. and wish i could help others do well..it pains me knowing that there r people with homes and things that r needed. ive been on that side myself and i think that is y i stress out so much when everything gets out of control because i dont ever what my girls to know how hard that life is...they lost everything in a fire that we had back in 2006. and i have never seen children be so happy to get bunkbeds and things for the new beds for xmas...

patience is someting that i have learned over the years and something that i hold to with pride but i lose sight of things when the clouds set in. i may loose my mind for a small bit but recover after a few min to collect myself.

i have also been thinking more positively and it has helped me see the lights in the darkness:

(-)my truck now has niagra oil gushing out of the bottom of it..paid it off on friday and i shit you not it broke down
on that sunday..
(+)it broke down while a friend(just her in car) was driving it back from UL which was a 2hour drive back to where i was. so it didn't breakdown while i was in the middle of no where with my girls.

(-) new car 2006 ford focus 5speed got it for 10,000 .. another car payment
(+) better gas milage and cheaper to fix if it does break down and ins is cheaper a lil.and paid 2k down so i dont owe ne more on the car than i would have owed on the truck without the insurance settlement (see previous entries bout the hit and run)

(-) my lil one and her other sister (not mine) had to undergo certain proceedures that r horrible for even a full adult to have to go through.
(+) they were both angels through it all and there father will seek his judgement soon (satan could take lessons from me on how to torture those who have already had the pleasure of dieing..BREATHE THROUGH THE ANGER..LOL YEAH still a lil angry bout all that but getting better

so that being my method of thinking im pulling through it all slowly but steady..and thanks to the words of the traveler :) will continue on my way regardless of where it leads me.

im horribly pesimistic and im not going to try to change that because that's me and it protects me in a sense but i have exhausted my thoughts and my body trying to figure out how to get things done and only thinking of negative things has hindered my ability on making good decisions like the focus i wasnt going to get it until my buddie stepped up and pushed the pen for me because he knew it was what was needed and i had not 1 rational thought in my head....but i have tried very hard to prove to myself that with everything negative there is a positive and even looking at it scientifically that is true because with everything there is an exact oppisite..so yay..writing down helps to and i need to remember that ..typeing writing whatever lets me see it for what it really is...