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Well after talking to bing for a lil while i felt stupid for the way i was feeling i have no right to be down on him for doing what he wants or feeling the way he feels...so here is what i have done...
my own ritual (little known fact but not a blessed soul on here really knows who i am here it goes)
i wrote him this letter after crying on the phone while he spoke about his new girl...
thought about how i am trying to stay focused on taking care of my family and not needing to be dealing with waiting and such on someone though i love him i let him go at the end of this entry..i have freed my own heart after this...he in my mind will be only my best friend and nothing more till he comes out with it...my cards have been renigged till his is laid down for me...i really sent this to him...
Hey,
I don't want things on my end to be unsaid. But I can't say them to you. But I mean them with everything I am.
Thankyou so very much for when you opened your home to me and my girls. From the bottom of my heart I will never be able to repay for you what you did. I owe to you where I am right now because I would have left for my dad's (just a blip for you guys i hate my dad he knows this) had you not opened your door to me. I couldn't thank you enough times to make me feel adequate enough.
I care very deeply for you as a friend always. If you ever need anything in the future if I can help please call on me. I owe you that much.
I love you and always will and I know that no matter where life takes me either closer or further from you I will always have you as my friend and I need you to know that for any pain I caused you that I truely from my heart apologize.
In my heart I give you one last kiss and a hug. *smiles for you BINGO*
I shall add a wish to this letter before I close it: I wish things could have been different. If only we both would have stopped pushing and enjoyed the pressence of one another.
Love,
Bren
P.S. I mean no harm sending this to you. Wishes the best for you and myself. *smiles*
and for my ritual when let even the evilest thing flee from my heart and soul....
*close my eyes shed a tear...bring my hand close to my mouth...tenderly kiss my hand..let my open hand to the breeze and blow* "i love you bing
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