I got laid off on Oct. 12. I knew I was going to be let go, I just had a feeling. I feel so stupid and worthless. I know I could have done the job, but I had some people riding my back all the time! It got to the point that I was drinking every night and smoking a lot. I was also jelouse of a young women there too. She's was thin and blonde and very pretty. She made at least $20,000 more than me a year and we were the same age. Well, I think I was about a year older. I am fat, not as attracitve as she and I can't stand to look at myself sometimes, so why would anyone else want to? I'm not trying to get down on myself, I know my husband and daughter love me for who I am but I can't help get this feeling that skinny people get all the breaks and blondes do have more fun....at least make more money.

Well, when I got laid off, I knew it was going to be hard to find another job. I have only gotten one interview, and I got the feeling that the two fellows who were interviewing me probably didn't appreicate the way I looked. I have experience but who wants an admin that looks likes Rosie O'Donnell? Okay, I'm not that fat but you get the picture. If you had to choose between Rosie and Faith Hill, who would you pick? I thought so.

I'm not going to give up, I'll find something. I'll write more later. I'm getting sleepy.