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somedays you just really dont want to get out of bed at times, today was one of those days. I had a chat with my boss about my performance at work as of late. and i have to give her credit she has a sharp eye for things. it has been suffering a bit, i havent been as she put it " myself " as of the past couple of months, and it has been reflected back on the work that i have been putting out. not very good. and i agree i havent been myself the last few months. i cant seem to focus on things and find the motivation to get it done so to speak.
its hard to belive that she really was such an inspiration to me that even here so far from her so removed from working with her like in the past her prescence is so needed by me. not having her strength behind me i am as empty as a ballon. no strings on the puppet to get me too move. i just dont have the umph to get moving any more. its my fault and its cost me a RAISE!!!! damm thats smarts and the funny thing that the emotional; slump extends to other parts of my life. not just work but my realtion with family and some friends that i keep in touch with. this whole thing is just starting to become to much. i feel like i am drowing again in sorrow i know i shouldnt care anymore, but it was 5 fucking years!!!! how the hell to i turn my back on 5 years of my life?!?!?!?! she meant everything to me she was the reason i did anything was for her approval her love her understanding, i did it all for her even the most mundane things i did them in her honor.
aghhh, its just hard at times trying to deal with the hurt still. it still simmers at times and comes out.
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Posted by gatopanzo on 2007-10-22 13:20:02 | Rating: | Views: 78
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Divorce is hard and painful poppet and seems like its really caught up with you - time, give it time, divorce and the feelings inside take time to heal and divorce is not the nicest of things
hug
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Posted by kentlass
on 2007-10-22 15:31:59
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