so its happend at last my worst nightmare. she has met someone new. i knew this would happen ;this day would occure sometime, i just did nt know it would be so soon, and so hard to take. i cant stop shaking. its like i have the chills. i cant stop tremebling. your words keep playing over and over in my head. i met someone. i met someone. i met someone. i am dead. all that i am is gone. thier is nothing left of me. it hurt before but right now. i cant evern desrcibe how i feel. i dont know how to. i feel like i am looking at myself from far away. i think that if i get to close to myself, ill fall apart like sand. i feel like a void has opend up inside of me. nothing. i am stunned shocked, angry, hurt, sad, scared, betrayed. i ve met someone. its like a feather in the wind it keeps bobbing up and down in my mind. i met someone. i dont know who i am anymore. i just want to scream till i am out of breath till my lungs expolde.

 so what do i do now? i cant stop crying. i realize that i am not worth it for any woman out their. i love her. but i hurt her so much. i used her and never saw the pain that i was causing her. i made my mistakes, and i was punished. it hurts, god i cant belive just how much it hurts. i am sorry for all that i did to you. i can see that i was never meant to have you in my life. i guess someone fell asleep at the switch when we met. i am sorry for all the pain that i have caused. i promise you that i will not hurt anyone again. i want to go away, somewhere where it doesnt hurt anymore. you deserve so much more then what i could ever give you. you are a better person then me. i am shit. nothing but shit. so what do i do now? 

 i hope that this guy you have met loves you and takes care of you. that he appreciates what an incredible and gifted person you are. dont think about me strike me from your heart. burn my pictures, burn the wedding dress. forget that i was ever in your life. the tears that i cry are nothing to what is inside me. all those tears, they have left me empty inside. i am nothing. you say to me, why now. its not because i have lost you its not because you have some one new. its beacause i love you. i have always loved you. i see that my future is meant to be alone. no matter what, i do no matter how good i try to be....i am meant to be alone. maybe dying wont be so bad. no one to morn me. if i am alone and i hurt those around me so much. they will be better off. no more pain from me. perhaps that is my path. i was never supposed to be born and this is nature showing me that i am mistake and life needs to be balanced. take me away and everything will be fine. no one moves no one gets hurt, right?