my wife and i are getting a divorce after five years. they have not been the best years. we have lived apart for almost four and half years. my family has destroyed my relationship with her.


 she is the most beautiful and special person that i know. she is from mexico, i am looking a pic of her from a wedding that i should have gone to with her. she looks amazing. her smile just lights up her face. she has a little button nose, big brown eyes. eye lashs that go on for ever. but the most sexist mouth i have ever seen. she has beautiful lips.

that is the first thing i noticed when i met her. we met at the church hall. she was wearing a red turtle neck green winter coat. brown cords and brown boots. as soon as i saw her i think i fell in love with her. she took my breath away. later that day i saw her walking home it was winter so i asked her if she wanted a ride home. she said NO!!!

after sometime i got to know her more, she was amazing smart, attractive, the type of person that i am attracted too. i finally had the courage to ask her out, the thing was that my spanish is not that great i mean i do speak it its just that i mix english in with it as well. and she didnt speak any english at all.

 on our first date i made my first mistake. she was having salad and i took a bite of it from her plate. she didnt eat the rest of it. oops!!! as time went on i was more and more comfrotable with her. i realized that i was in love with her. see a couple of months back before we met i was in a really bad  place, i prayed to god to bring me someone to love and be with, and i knew that i was her. i knew in my heart that she was the one. a few months after in the summer i asked her to marry after we had come back from a date. she didnt say anything at the time.at the time on the radio a song by lenny kravitz called " again" was playing. that song became the sound track to our realtionship. after this she left she left in september to mexico. i really racked up the phone bill calling her. we talked online a little slowly because again of my bad spanish and her limited english. but it blossmed and grew. she came back in december, by that time i had ring made up and was ready to aske her again. i was nervous, she did say yes this TIME!!!! we married on june 15 2002, it was a small wedding we had it in a resturant, family only. i am sorry we didnt invite anyone else. its could have been better.

 from that point on our life around us grew worse and worse. my family did not like her my mother espicailly. she made it hard for us to enjoy our life as partners.

  my mother what can i say about her. i love her, i hate her, i have alot of resenment against her. she bullied me into seprating from my wife. she emotinaly black mailed me into feeling sorry for her and it worked. on that day that she kicked my wife out a part of me went with her. since that time, my eyes have really been opend as to who my mom really is. You see my brother is also going through a divorce but he has met someone, she seems nice i dont know her, but she makes him happy so all the power to her. my mom the other day says to me " i want to split them up, she is no good for him" i was like why do you want to do that? beacuse she said that was all. and what would you do to do it. well she says i would take him on a trip far from her so he can forget about her. come on i thought why would you want to make him miserable and have him loose someone he loves? anyways, the rose colored glass have come of and i see her now in a whole new light. my brother and my sisters we have all come out a little messed up from all of this.

  my brother for example, he left home when he was 19 to get away from us. he left to come to calgary from saskatoon. it was hard he was my brother. but he needed to get away. i can understand him now. for a long time i never really understood why he did some of the things that he did and said but i see it now. i think that he may be happy for once. my sister, oh my sister. a devil in sheeps clothing? hahaha. i think even the devil wont go near that. lol. what can i say about her. she is my mothers faithfull parot. she does and says what is dictated to her. but she is just as sneaky and smooth. she has really made a foul of her son the oldest. he has been through a lot but the worst has always been for her. you have to understand that my sister is not happy unless she can make everyone around her miserable.

 she has this way of making everything that has happen to her worse. like near death worse so it meets her needs. she can play anyone into her hands. mom falls for it all the time. when my sister is doing well, and she needs nothing from us she can not call us for days and weeks on end. only of something is wrong or she needs money will she come around. my brother is the same way. but he does it out of resenment. not need. my sister can tell you and out right lie so well that she belives it as fact when she is done. she played her small part in my marriage failing as well. she cast doubt in my heart at times and i let it affect me. she is family after all. but i keep her at arms length. now that my divorce is coming up she is around the house to often. she reminds me of a vulture ready to grab anything she can and then us it later.

   at this moment in my life it think its time for me to move on. i need to break the bonds that they have on me. more and more i am dissaponited in them and my self. i miss my wife alot. thier are days when i the smallest things will remind me of her and it sets me off. a color, a smell, a sound. anything really it hits me hard and i cant do anything at all. i cry alot, about anything when i picture her in my mind. i cant sleep and  i cant eat. ive thought of taking the easy and quick way out, but some how i know that wouldnt hurt her it would dissapoinet her.  i want more then anything tohave her back here with me. i would do anything for her. she has a toyota and the other day i saw a comerical for one. stupid me cried like a baby. i dont know why i just had an image of her at the second.

  we have spoken since she decided to end it. its hard. i cant say the things that i want to say. i cant say i love you. please come back i have changed. i cant say, i am sorry i love you. i need you. she no longer loves me anymore. i can tell. the idea that she no longer leaves me makes my breath catch. i cant see my life with out her. well i will add to this or post another as i go along. i am going to go see a therapist. i am feeling to angry all the time, to alone and sad. its keeping me up at night and i cant work well. i dont know if anyone knows what i mean but thier is this great pressure in my chest that i cant let go. so tell me what it means? has anyone gone through this at all?