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| shadows on the wall, como dueles en los labios
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Memories. they are the foundation to a persons core self. We all at sometime or another have experinced things that are similiar in nature, we all have at one time or another felt happines, joy, understanding, friendship, lust, hate, sadness and love. Memories are a universal truth for all of us, we can all recall a time in our life when we have felt emotions so strong that at the time they feel like it will never end. Some can savor these things and move on from them they take what they need from them and add them to thier repituor of emotions and experinces, other tho we cling to them like a man clings to a ledge. Is this good or bad? i dont know at present time i find my self hanging on to memories of a life i had once, to a person who i thought loved me with all her heart, to a person who pledge her love to me on a summer night.
People say love changes it grows and becomes something more, it needs to be nurtured or else it forgets what it is. in a way i agree with this but at the same time i dont. i dont belive that love can be forgotten it can be misplaced, or rather other emotions such as anger and betrayl can come between love but; love is never forgotten. i belive that love is a constent a measure of who we are as individuals. those who find love and live in it are blessed with a great gift. we can spoil that gift by not living it as it should. i love my wife beyond a measure of words. i know that at the time when i should have pledge this love for her i didnt and i drove a spike in to her heart and betrayed her by turning away. but my love has never strayed it has never been swayed by another i have been hers and hers alone. When true and really love exsits not even time or distance can break that bond.
The past that i shared with her now seems at times like a dream like a far away vision of what my life was. I sometimes sit back and think about what we shared and what we had as a couple and wonder just how special and magical it was. That time feels more real then what i have right now, this feels like a nightmare where i am stumbling struggling to find my way back to you. in my memories i remember all the times that we shared. from the most mundane to the most passionate moments that we shared, the taste of your skin, the shape of your brests, the strenght of your legs, the sweat on your skin, the sound of your breathing in my ears, to the everday moments, watching tv walking the dogs, eating cereal at ten oclock at night with grilled cheese and kool-aid. do you remember those times?
I am trying to come to terms with the thought of you no longer being in my life. You are in a way we are sudo friends in the sense that we talk to one another sometimes, i see you here and there when you have time. But now its based on your time not our time, i see you only when you want or talk to you only when you feel the need to talk to me. Sometimes you tell me that you miss me, you miss hearing from me or knowing how i am, when you say that i get butterflys in my stomach i feel elated to know that some part of me still lives inside of you. i havent all been cast out. One day you came to my work this past monday in fact, i tried not to look in your face, to look at your eyes, i knew that if i did i would kneel in front of you and beg for forgivness. i didnt want you too see the longing, the love, the desire, the need that i had to take you in my arms and never let you go, when you hugged me goodbye the smell of your perfume stayed with me that whole day. You looked more beautifull then ever, this TM guy must make you very happy for you to glow the way you did that day. you took my breath away. lucky bastard this TM guy.
you kissed me that on the cheek but once again i stole another one from you, on your lips. and for the first time it hurt to kiss you, i felt nothing back.
time is slowly passing by for me. the days seem longer day by day the hours seem longer, writing these words i think why didnt i tell you all this before, i used to send you the links to the postings so you could read what i said and felt, to me it was good to share to help you see the pain i was going thru and for you to understand how deep my love is. and maybe to help you find your way back to me. but those are mere shadows right? those thoughts that i had will never come to pass. your heart is free to love and to meet others, you want to be a mother and a wife a partner and friend to someone else. you were that to me once but i went and spoiled it all by waking up. my nightmares are companions as i walk these streets. the reflect back on the walls as shadows. my memories are my compainions, i seek comfort and consul with them. i long for one day to find you again and to give you all of my words and to find solace in your arms again. to hear you whisper i love you. i miss you my love i miss you it hurts, i miss your lips on mine, but right now they cause me pain because i know those lips belong to another.
take care my love, i am yours forver till the end of time.
daniel,
if you still read these write to me tell me what you think, dont leave me here in the dark anymore....
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Posted by gatopanzo on 2007-10-19 11:25:29 | Rating: | Views: 81
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