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Somedays, i dont know why i do the things that i do. i made a big mistake on my last posting and really hurt her feelings. I am sorry for it. I am angry for one thing. at my self and at the world around me. I feel like most things around have let me down, but its me who has. I always excpet others to give as much as they can so i can take from them. In a sense i am like a leach. i take but dont share alot. From her i kept alot of things hidden i never really let her into my heart as i should have. i didnt ever sacrafice for her the way she did for me by coming to canada and leaving her family and friends her whole life behind. That was and forever will be against me. I made her do that and yet i never gave her what she wanted in return. A family, i was to scared to actually share a life with someone. Does that make any sense?!?! i mean i love her as much as i do but i didnt want to give my self to her.
These are things that i am finding out about myself right now. I have time to think about just who i really am . Our divorce has helped. I see somethings that i like and some that i dont. I cant say that i really like myself, i dont, people tell me that to find love you have to love your self well i wonder how do you do that? I am mostly scared that if i do meet someone that i may hurt them the way that i hurt her. i think that i dont know how to love.
Hell i dont know much of anything right now, i can t seem to focus on what it is that i am trying to say, thier is just all this stuff flying around my head right now that not letting me think much.
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Posted by gatopanzo on 2007-10-03 13:22:55 | Rating: | Views: 75
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