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At what point will people stop blaming everyone else for their short comings and take some damn responsibility for the way their life has turned out??? I must say, Im completely fed up at how easy it is to make an excuse rather than find a way to change what you feel is wrong. I've lived a pretty hard life and never once have I sat in a puddle of my own tears wondering why this shit has happened to me, I got my ass up and paved my own path, and decided what I wanted my future to look like. I was determined to stop the perpetual cycle that I saw happening. From a very early age I realized that the example I had was a horrible example of what a mother should be and what a strong minded female should look and act like. I'm in no way bashing my mother, I love her with all of my heart, some of her choices on the other hand, were like poison. Luckily I took the example I had and used it as motivation, I then knew what I didn't want to be, so it made it easier to find out the kind of person I did want to be. I hate to say it but my mother is the exact opposite of anything I ever wanted to be. My entire life I've watched her hide her feelings behind a bottle. The more she felt her life crumble the more she drank, which forced me at the age of 12 to basically raise my younger sister and brother. I fed and clothed them everyday, then walked them to school, after dropping them off at school, I walked myself to school. No one knew the seriousness of the situation, and to make things worse, my mothers boyfriend at the time beat the shit out of her on a daily basis, despite the fact that we were in the room. I recall numorous occasions where I would grab my sister and brother and hold there faces to chest just so they didnt have to see him beat her black and blue...I didnt want them to have that image stuck in there head. Bruises, a broken nose, a broken collar bone, broken ribs, just a few of the injuries she walked away with over a 7 year period of the same man beating her ass daily. And finally he got bored hitting her, thats when his anger turned to us, and that didnt fly with me. I was 15 by the time he tried hitting us. I would rather him hit on me than my sister and brother so everytime I saw him start to yell at them, I'd start to talk shit so he'd forget about them and his anger would turn at me. Once I walked in the house and he had my brother pinned to the ground getting ready to punch him and I jumped on his back and started hitting him in the back of the head as hard as I could, I told my brother to go in my room and close the door, he was crying as we struggled, and he kept screaming I don't want to leave u, I yelled as loud as I could telling him to go into my room, I didnt want him to see me attempting to fight a man 3 times my size. He tossed me like a ragdoll across the room, I grabbed everything in my reach and threw it at him, a lamp, a radio, once the radio hit him in the face and he stumbled I jumped on him grabbing his hair and I wrapped it around my fist, with the other hand I punched him in his face with all the strength I had left, by then my sister called the police, they soon showed up, the scene was chaotic, he was bleeding from me scratching him, I lay on the floor completely drained, a fist full of hair, breathing extremely hard, I used everything I had to keep from being killed by this man...the police took us to seperate rooms to figure out what happened. Long story short, he didnt go to jail because they belived him, he said he was just trying to discipline me and I went crazy, it didnt help that my mother took his side, saying he would never hit us. So the whole point of this little story is, I couldv'e let my childhood destroy me, and yet I used it as fuel...I got up and took responsibilty for my own life. I went to school, graduated, got a job, I work hard everyday, I have a nice home, nice things, I have goals, and plans on how to attain those goals. All in all I have a very bright future, it just so happens that bright future was fueled by a very dark past.
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I think for some people it is easy to blame others for their short comings than it is to look at the root of what got them there. You took the time to realize your mother made mistakes. Others don't learn from mistakes our parents made and we make the same mistakes thus ending out in the same situations as them and with the same problems and then we blame them. Am I making any sense. I am sooooooo happy you posted this because I feel the same way.
Props to you for making the best out of things that may have went wrong and not letting it hold you back! Pat your self on the back!!
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Posted by kissingchaos77
on 2008-06-30 16:33:39
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very good job on your blog
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Posted by good_news
on 2008-07-14 23:33:29
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| Views: 70
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