Hi all. This is my very first blog that is not in myspace. I want to start with a blog on something that hurt me very much, not physically but more like in the heart. I was wondering how a friendship could go so wrong, so fast and for no reason at all. A friendship that started from a smile, moved to sharing of lots of laughs, smiles, hugs, conversation (serious and deep or just about nothing at all), an occassional peck on the cheek and support for each other, phone calls (she even called me from around the world for my birthday), online chatting and email and abruptly ended with her not wanting to tell me what I did to make her hate me so much since it was a question she did not want to answer but that she had to distance herself from me and the relationship.

The wierd thing is though is that even though what she did to me was mean and vindictive, I still miss her. She no longer works with me or the company but I find myself missing her alot sometimes and I have my days when something happens and she is not there to share it with and I get all upset because she would always help me find the solution and make me smile at the end. When all this with her was going on, I so needed to talk to her but for obvious reasons I could not and that put such a pain in my heart. I know she was upset too since when she had told me she and I could not be friends she had tears in her eyes and on her last day she took my hand shook it, gave it three squeezes and I told her I would miss her and she said I will miss u too, she smiled and that was the last conversation I had with her.

I have begun to pray alot that this will all be over soon. I truly believe God would not want this to be this way so I pray that she will contact me so we can talk it out and find out why she did what she did, for her to gain the strength to know that I foregive her and do not hate her at all, I still love her lots...since once you love someone you always love them. I have decided to wait for a few months before I decide whether or not to pursue a lawsuit, mediation or to try and contact her outright so that she has the space she needs right now. But I am here for her if she needs me...and to be honest everytime my phone rings I pray that it is her. Any feedback will be appreciated. Thanks. Hagn or hagd to everyone who reads this.