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| Little treasures |
If I were to be asked what would be the most precious moments in my life I would say the time I was with my children. It's only now that I realize that I am the nurturing kind of person. That I find time against any busy schedule to be with my twin daughters to help them out with their lessons in school. It was a wonderful feeling to be there for them as you see their eyes shining with delight to be with their dad. They were so inquisitive. I would get all the books I can to satiate their thirst for knowledge. We read books together all the time. And whenever they learn things it was more like an adventure for them as I try to put animation in every subject we discussed. I marveled to watch their little hands write those crooked letters as they began to learn to write. How funny the way they drew figures especially when they try their best to draw their parents. What a wonderful feeling to hug them to make them feel how much you love them. It felt like I could never express enough of this love. They are the most wonderful company as I held their tiny hands as we strolled along their favorite places. I watched them run those little steps and hear them utter those innocent words with their tiny voices. I feel warmth inside my heart whenever I hear them call me "daddy!” The best time of the year for us was Christmas as they get so excited about the happy season of carols and gift giving and of course, gifts from Santa. I still remember when we read their school book one day. I didn't have a clue that it was going to reveal to them in the most beautiful way that Santa is actually their daddy. I will never forget how they hugged me so tight and told me how happy they were to find out that it's been me all those years. They were so thankful and so happy for everything.
I could write all day of the happiest times I had with my twins but if I did write everything down it will just lead to a crashing end. I realize that whatever it is that you hold so dear, the very thing that makes you happy, the thing that brings you unending joy, when taken away from you- would mean like the end of the world for you. It is a kind of deprivation that makes you wanna take your own life. Life loses its meaning. When you can no longer touch your children or hug them or play with them or just be with them like before. When you didn't see them grow up. When you didn't get to know what their problems were and you were unable to help them with their cares in any way. When you were unable to fill in their needs, to share their joy and sorrow. When you feel that they are beginning to drift away as they start to live their own independent lives. They begin to forget what a dad you were to them and you are no longer a major part of their lives even if you are still their dad, incidentally. What a miserable life it is to just live with the memories of your past as you stare at old pictures when things were still doing okay or look at the little toys you have kept all these years. It hurts so much, it cuts me deep and there is no way around this harsh reality. Still I cling on to my little treasures: my most precious moments.
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Posted by fredgutz on 2009-10-10 07:56:07 | Rating: | Views: 22
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