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It is 8:08 am. School just began and the long day ahead of me is daunting. Everyday is filled with a constant struggle with one’s anxieties and fears. Yesterday, I thought a lot about how love can take a number of definitions and levels. My primary focus, however, was that of pondering whether or not my girlfriend and I truly love each other. After much thought and time, I decided that the best thing that I can do is to simply let it go and not worry about the future. Not worrying about the future has always been a difficulty of mine, but now I must conquer it in hopes of keeping my sanity and the one that I love. However, what helps me so much is that my girlfriend struggles with anxieties as well and we are able to share our thoughts and worries together and know that we each understand where the other is coming from.
Last night, my girlfriend called me and I could quickly tell that she had been crying. I then, as is expected for one to do, asked her if everything was alright. She responded by saying that everything was alright, but that she had been crying with her mom about how much she loves me and the difficulties of our plight together. Her mother thankfully understood her feelings and talked her through them and prayed with her. However, the main point is not that she was crying because of our difficulties or her love for me, but rather that she was crying. Women cry, men cry too, so what is the point of her crying? The point is that this should never have happened. This chaos should never have happened. These punishments are too rigorous. The expectations that are being placed on a couple of teenagers are heavy and the worries are great. My point is that this situation should have never occurred, but furthermore is extremely difficult for one to undergo. When one’s own family does not trust you and your school is breathing down your back, something is not right. Not to cut into the paragraph, but I want to apologize for anything that does not make sense, I am expressing my feelings and sometimes when one expresses his/her feelings they may seem garbled and not put together. So, I want to apologize for any garbled sentences. Anyway, to wrap this up, it hurts when your own family does not trust you, your school does not trust you, and people are saying that you are doing the wrong thing in being with someone that you know deep down inside you love. A love that is more than physical, more than emotions, and more than a dull, fading love that comes like a gust of wind.
I want to thank everyone who has commented on the blog. Your insights are greatly appreciated. Please continue to comment about how you feel with these circumstances, and if you have any advice, I would love to hear it.
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Posted by freakedoutmatt on 2007-12-11 07:01:46 | Rating: | Views: 136
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... One.. being a private school.. which btw SUCKS.. Do they expectyouto stay dormat for the rest of your highschool life? I sorta understand the whole no sex thing. i wish i would have listened. but that doesnt give them the right to keep you from talking. On top of that. Forbidding someone to talk to anouther person is against yours and that other persons right. Unless either of you have a restraining order against the other, theres nothing the school can do. I say take this to the news. put it in the media. Its these kinds of school that are getting maid so much more and treating their kids worse then public schools. this is just ridiculous. Im actually in an outrage about this. Unless stated by law and a legal agreement THEY CANT KEEP YOU FROM EACH OTHER! i know all this because im taking college level law classes.
Such idiots!
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Posted by Iced_Nympho
on 2007-12-11 09:00:12
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