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WWJD?

apparently today's theme on thoughts.com is God & Jesus. lmao

anyway, i came across a post that talked about how she misses running & how her longer shifts have made it next to impossible to do what she loved so much. she said her spiritual being lacks the flair it had when she was running.

i feel her on this. my new job & commute has taken a toll on my workout schedule. I want so desperately to get back to where I was last summer but, try as I may, I just can't seem to do it. I'm either working or completely exhausted from working. I'm still working out almost everyday but it's different. Plus, getting home so late has been affecting my eating habits as well which is bugging me out. I am determined to fix it tho. Last night was the last night I am skipping for a while. Once I get back to the feeling I had last summer I will stop being such a 'nazi' to myself but until then it must be done because i'm driving myself nuts & it wears on me. makes me grumpy....bitchy.

i'm disappointed that i didn't lift last night. i'm thinking i might do it after work tonight. I'm going straight to the gym so i can get as much as possible out of the second half of spin & then head down to get as much as i possibly can out of the first half of sports conditioning. then it's work till 10....right now i am eager to lift afterward but i kno that by the time that second game is over, i won't be able to think of anything else but eating dinner & going to bed. no. eff that. i am going to do it whether i'm drop-dead tired or not. enough already. what happened to the determination i had last summer???

the strangest thing about this whole issue is that i feel like i gained & lost weight at the same time. my clothes are not snug but they fit....differently....perhaps it is just my shape changing & it's bugging me out? i kno that not lifting has made a change. i'm not so 'puffy' and bulky on top... my butt is definitely in crazy good shape (which of course i owe to beast) & looks almost exactly how i want it to --> just a little more fine tweaking. back is good --> sexy

calves are good & almost what they were last summer. my thighs need work --> though they have slimmed down, they lack the definition they had last summer so, more fine tweaking (this is a direct result of decreased lifting). my arms still have definition, tho not as cut as when i was lifting hardcore & i'm not sure how i feel about that just yet. they have slimmed down, which i love, but i do kind of miss the crazy cuts i had.... we'll see. i think my capoeira training is going to help with that & boxing helps too....i suppose i could always fine tweak that too... i guess the only thing that's really bugging me is my stomach (whats new?) there was a time when this same thing seemed to happen & it was, again, when my body was changing it's shape for the better. perhaps i'm just being overanalytical....jumping the gun....

i just need to sit down & develop a new plan. what better time than now when i'm about to make one for valentine?? and when i'm about to set up a training spot right where i live! i'll be back in tip-top shape in no time.