every time i have an amazing morning with beast, the rest of the day gets all screwy.   grrrrr  not too bad i guess...just not as mellow as i'd like it to be. 

weekend was good.  i went to boxing after work on friday night & at the end of class beast made an announcement that there was a very special birthday in class..... awwww!!  gol  i don't kno if he does that for everyone who's bday he knows in class but he made me feel very special.  when i came out of the locker room, he was still out there & said 'c'mere,' so i followed him to the break room.  he said 'tell me why i'm such a d*ckhead'.....and i thought he was about to tell me a story about something he did but instead he pulled out my gift, handed it to me & said 'i meant to give this to u before cuz i wanted u to use them in class....'  they were new gloves!!  and they're perfect!!  black with white underneath....hotness.  gol  i can't wait to use them tonight!!  (even more than that, i can't wait to see him again!!  i'm in so much trouble...gol)  as i was admiring them through the mesh of the case they were in he said 'open it' and i think i might have said 'why?' altho i don't kno why i said 'why' cuz i knew before he even said anything that there was something else in there (altho i didn't kno what it was).  i opened it & there was this sexxy little lingerie inside.  he is the first guy to ever buy me lingerie!  i've always wanted a guy to do that for me (among a couple of other things).....after i thanked him, i left quickly because i wanted to run home, get showered/dressed & back to him asap.  we were supposed to go out for my bday.  i think he was more excited than i was! gol  he said 'i'm gonna give u so much love tonight....' and described some of what was in store for me that included something that intrigued me - a honey bath.   omg i love honey first of all & secondly, that just sounds like aaaalll kinds of yummy!!  gol 

unfortunately things didn't work out quite according to plan... i got home at ten to 10 & had plans to get in the shower asap.... i ran downstairs to grab some stuff & hang my gym clothes when i heard auntie call out for me.  i answered & she said she wanted to show me something.  when i got upstairs she had a cake for me & sang to me.  then grandma came out & was a upset because auntie didn't wait --  what i gathered was they didn't expect me to be downstairs as long as i was & auntie must have lit the candle right after i went down....grandma must have gotten impatient & went to get changed.  i came back up before she was done & auntie didn't have much of a choice...plus the candle was almost completely burned down to the cake.  -- so of course grandma wanted to sing again which took more time.  i sat with them for a while to have the cake & talk for a bit.  then i went to get in the shower & grandma wanted to wash her face...... of.  course. ...... AARRRrgGGGHHHH!!   at this point i started to get anxious..... not only did she take FOREVER but she was trying to convince auntie to wash up as well before i went in.  auntie knew the deal & kept reassuring grandma that she could go in after i was done (thank god) but by the time i was done it was already 11 & i didn't get to him till late (as usual)..... i really feel terrible but it turned out nice anyway.  we went out to eat at a seafood place near where i was born.   i had the biggest piece of swordfish ever!  gol 

toward the end of dinner he said he had to go to the bathroom & i didn't think anything of it but when he got back there was about a minute that lapsed before the waiters came over with a piece of strawberry shortcake (my favorite!!) and sang to me!!  :oD  ::sigh::  he also made a comment when the bill came that in the 2 1/2 years he'd been with E, he never took her out like that or spent that much on her..... i asked him why & he said 'i don't kno....i feel like u need to be treated special...'  i didn't kno what to say to that....nodded & smiled a bit to myself... then he did that thing he does sometimes where he downplays it & said something like 'or maybe it's just cuz i have money now'  i left it alone & pretended i didn't hear it, choosing to dwell on what he said before that instead.  he had been saying something earlier about how i'm in an odd position because he's making more money than he ever has before & feels compelled to spend it on me & doing things with me.... but apparently he's conflicted with that because of a few reasons.  he doesn't feel like he's special to me....and i suppose he feels like i don't treat him as well as i should.....

we had also touched (again) on the issue of me not being a 'typical girl' & cleaning up his apt etc...... that bothers both of us.  first it bothers him because he obviously wants me to do it or worse, expects me to.  and it bothers me because i feel like its more of the latter & that's just not happening.  it's one thing if u feel like that's the way you'd like for me to express how much i care about u....but it's a totally different  matter if that's what you expect me to do simply because i'm ur 'girl'....... other things come into play as well.... until recently, i didn't feel like it was my place to touch anything in his apt.  i always get there mad late & so all the time i spend there, to me, would be better spent with him....besides, we usually hit the bedroom pretty quick anyway.  and on top of that, he's a big boy!!  he is perfectly capable of cleaning up after himself! 

to be honest, i feel like the 'alpha b*tch'....the queen.  all his other little 'wives' can do all that sh*t.  i am there for him & him alone as he is there for me.  i think he knows that but still refuses to let it fully sink in.  the worst part is, i kno if it keeps coming up, i'll eventually cave.  i love him.

omg, moving away from the negativity, let me finish the weekend recap so i can move to this morning.

so after dinner we went back to his place & laid on the bed....he asked about the lingerie & i told him i'd brought it with me but it was cold & to give me a min.  i was planning on laying under the covers for a min or 2 & then i was gonna run & put it on.... i was also a little self conscious cuz .....well that's what i do best. gol  besides, i've never worn anything like that .... much less in front of anyone!  i got kinda shy gol   anyway, being close to eachother, we couldn't keep our hands off eachother (i should have known better gol) & we started to get into it....then he stopped & said

'no....no sex for u....'  

i became alarmed & sat up quickly

me --> 'why??!??' ::pout::  

beast --> 'ur not in the proper attire' 

gol

me --> 'i'm going!  i'm going!' 

so i went into the living room & got changed.... caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror & felt silly for ever feeling self conscious  ;o) 

i came back into the room and the shyness i'd shed came back a little as i searched for his approval.... he looked at me with eyebrows raised & motioned for me to turn around... i did & looked back at him.... i don't remember if he said anything or just 'mmm'  or something but i crawled up next to him on the bed & stretched a bit.....it felt really cool against my skin & i told him a tidbit about why i liked it so much.  he seems to kno my favorites without me even telling him.  not sure if that's because i 'tell' him or because he just picks up on it & knows.... or maybe we're alike in alot of our 'likes' as well.... either way i'm not complaining.....except for the fact that i can't seem to do the same with him.  i want to do something special for him too....especially since he went all out for my bday & i didn't do anything for his..... but what would i get him??  i have one idea but i'd like to get some other stuff too..... the big thing i couldn't get because i just don't have the money right now but i'd do it in a heartbeat if i had the means.... maybe one day...unless he beats me to it.  i'm sure i'll figure something out.  i have been trying to do little things here & there at his place so he might notice that it bothers me that it bothers him.... hope that made sense.  i wish he could understand better why i'm so stubborn tho....in fact i wish i could too....altho i'm starting to.  i refuse to go through what i went through for 'boomba'(lmao) for ANYONE ever again.  i am NO ONE'S  mother! 

there is a side of me that warns of going too far to one extreme.....it's not fair to hold back from others what i might have normally done just because that a$$hole effed it up.  but i guess the fear of having it all thrown back in my face again takes precedence.  the line 'only gonna play the fool one time' rings thru me.   and still i hear that voice that tells me it's not fair to generalize.  i'm sure i'll strike a balance somewhere. 

moving along again.... (i have accomplished nothing thus far but i could care less...i'm not in the mood today)....

the big 'C' that he spoke of took place that night also.....it was sweet - literally!  gol 

saturday morning i took him to the train as usual & went home to get a nap in before going out with my girls & greg etc :o)  we all went to pf chang's which was bangin!  it kinda got screwed up a little tho cuz L was sick & SLJ just got the new puppy so she left early & we didn't go back to L's like we were supposed to to chill. it's all good tho cuz we're all gonna get together for L's bday soon, plus we're supposed to go out this thurs night for girls' night!  i'm so excited!!  :oD 

sunday morning i slept in which felt soooo nice & actually didn't speed by like it normally does... it was so nice!  i kept waking up & looking at the clock & having to do a double take cuz it felt like it should be so much later than it was!  gol  it was awesome.   we got ready & left for grandma & grandpa's around 4....had dinner at the usual restaurant & went back to grandma & grandpa's house for cake & whatnot.  i had alot of fun & it was nice to see them, as always :o) 

luck on st patty's day!!  --> huck asked if i could cover his reception today!  that's perfect cuz i'll have an hour to write in here virtually uninterrupted!!  ::knock on wood::  yay!!  gol

man that was perfect timing. hahaha thats whats up.

ok so where was i? ...... sunday night.  i called beast before i got in the shower sunday afternoon to see if i should pack stuff or not but got his voicemail (big surprise haha)... when i got out of the shower he had called back & i had missed his call this time.  figures.  i was in a rush & couldn't call him back just yet but i figured i was better off safe than sorry so i packed my stuff anyway.  i texted him when we were on our way cuz i didn't want to be rude & talk to him on the phone while greg & beth were in the car.   i finally got a call from him when we first got back to grandma & grandpa's house.  he was at his brother's so he said he'd leave the door open for me just in case. 

greg & beth dropped me off & beast wasn't home yet so i went in, put my stuff down, put the heater on in the bedroom, got 'changed', shut the bedroom door behind me & played with my new digital camera as i waited for him on his bed....he got home about 15 min later & opened the door to his room to find me & said 'mm!'  lmao  then he crawled up next to me, snuggled up & promptly fell asleep.  i didn't have any qualms with this cuz i was actually quite tired myself & fell asleep not long after he did.  (the gentle sound of his snoring once again helping my drowsiness)  ;o)  it was relatively early & so i woke up around 4:30 this morning & was actually worried that i might have overslept.... i tried to see the time on beast's cell but he had messages so the clock wasn't being displayed.  i sat up & leaned over him to get to my phone...he woke up & said 'mmm' carressing my side & stomach as i passed over him.  i laid back down next to him & he pulled me to him to snuggle again.  all night he had been particularly 'active' ... pulling me to him & then moving away again when it got hot... he had woken me up at one point but i can't remember why... i just remember him being particularly abrupt about it & i said 'u scared the sh*t out of me!' then went back to sleep.   he also said something a couple of times but i didn't understand him because i was half asleep myself  & when i asked him 'what' he didn't repeat himself.... this made more sense after we got up this morning because he said 'i was talking in my sleep wasn't i?'  i don't kno how he knew unless he had woken himself up also.... who knows.  he said he's also been dreaming lately which is out of the ordinary for him.  i can't help but wonder if it's my influence.. i've been dreaming while i'm at his house lately which is strange for me & i even had a dream about him on saturday night that was pretty crazy

(dream) --> beast came over my house & we were in my room, on my bed, doing what we do best ;o)  i was thoroughly enjoying myself & had no problems making all the noise i wanted....as if we were at his house like usual....as we continued, i suddenly became aware of my surroundings & realized what was going on.  almost had a heart attack!!  then i could see both inside & outside my room....grandmama kept coming to the door & knocking & yelling at me... she was pi$$ed.  that was about it...

side note: i had another dream saturday night that i wanted to remember very badly....i woke up after it & i willed myself to remember...then i thought perhaps i should write it down then & there but figured i could get away with waiting because it had been so vivid.... good move melis.  grrrrrr  now i can't remember what it was even about or who was in it etc.... i'm sure something will spark it... (i hope)

i've got much more to write about this morning but i really have to get some work done, not to mention LUNCH!!  ay..... today was ok so far....not necessarily bad but definitely not good either.... i wish i had my phone... (yeah that was part of this morning - left my phone at beast's house)....luckily i have class 2night so he's gonna bring it with him.  ::sigh:: i'm starving.