having people in your life from your past is more important than i thought it was. 

yesterday was interesting.  far from the 'traditional' easter....  i remember the first thing i thought when i woke up, before i even opened my eyes...

'please let it still be early....please let it still be early!'

saturday night i got home from work....talked to 'papi' for a bit on the phone & then crashed, HARD.  i hadn't set my alarm & i realized that when i woke up.....luckily it was indeed still pretty early.  daddy called at 10:30am & i don't remember if that was what had woken me or not but both things happened around, if not at, the same time. 

friday night was pretty tight.....i had off from work & planned on coming into the city for boxing.  cbb had invited me out to LQ & wanted me to skip class.  there was no way on earth on i was skipping so i told him i'd think about maybe coming out afterwards.  thursday night i had stayed in the city to spend the night at beast's....but he was apt-sitting for a friend of his so we went there instead.  the apt was really nice & reminded me alot of uncle, ironically.  i felt very comfortable there....that's the kind of apt i want one day soon if i can manage it.... beast might actually wind up living there if all goes according to plan....that would be amazing.  

so thursday night i got there & took a shower.....beast & i had yet another 'experience' - so yummy.  and this time the reflections were oh-so-sexy!  not only was there a big framed print above the bed, but the window was to the right & the wall to the left was lined with mirrors (to give the tiny studio an illusion of more space).  i couldn't help but catch glimpses of myself, beast....us, together.  it was......tantalizing.   

friday morning beast had to work at 7:30am....teaching an abs class.  i woke up as he was leaving & he asked if i wanted to come.  i said yes & he said he'd call to wake me before it started.  i forgot that i had my phone on vibrate & it was on the table in front of the couch instead of the nightstand so i didn't hear when he called.  i woke up literally 2 min before he came back.  he had about an hour before he had to head back for a client & we spent it in bed.  i cleaned up after he left again & felt like i was cleaning my own apt....so comfortable.  which is strange cuz he said he felt the same way & that if he takes the apt over for his friend, i can stay there........ interesting.  (i wonder sometimes if reading 'the lovely bones' has got me on an extra spiritual trip....something weird...like i always do....taking on parts of characters & kind of drifting along in a dream world alot of the time.  i can't wait to finish it but i have to have something new lined up afterward cuz i'm going to miss it when i'm done.)  

he came back again & had another couple of hours before he had to go back for his final client before class..... i got to delight in the amazing pleasure that is his mouth but he had to head back to his place to get his charger.... in the meantime i was going to go home to get my stuff for class & meet with juice for lunch as previously planned, then just come back as early as possible to spend as much time as i could with beast before class.   however beast didn't want me to leave just yet & he also had plans with steffmom later that afternoon so i agreed to wait.  postponed with juice for saturday which worked out better anyway.

it was getting close to the time he had to be back for his client so i started to pack up & get ready to leave.  of course who would call me literally as i was out the door?  beast.  lmao  i told him he'd caught me just as i was leaving & he said 'really?  that was quick' then, in what sounded like an attempt to get me to stay just a little longer,...

beast --> 'arent u hungry?'

me --> 'yeah'  (i wasn't really all that hungry & was, at this point, still planning on meeting up with juice for lunch but i felt bad/guilty for some reason...like i was going to disappoint him or like i was saying no to a doe-eyed little kid....lmao)

beast --> 'well do u want to get something to eat?'

me --> 'sure'

beast --> 'do u wanna grab something to go or do u want to go sit somewhere?  we could go to the diner....'

me --> 'yeah, let's do that'

beast --> 'diner?'

me --> 'yeah'

beast --> 'ok...i'll be up in a few.... i dont think this guy is gonna show up.......ur in the house right?'

me --> 'yeah...'  (as i walked back into the apartment to set my stuff down again gol)

beast -->'ok see u in a couple minutes'

he came back & just as we were walking out he got a call from steffmom.....they wound up in an argument & he was heated for the first half of our meal together.... at one point after we'd finished, out of nowhere he looked at me & said 'u ok baby?  c'mere.....'  and met my lips with his as i half-stood & hovered over the table between us.  i love when he does stuff like that but i still felt a little 'robbed' since the focus switched to their issues and away from our quality time.  that has happened before with E as well.  it doesn't bother me that much but i do still get kinda thrown off sometimes.... i'm not sure if thats a good way to describe it tho.  i don't feel jealous so much as neglected.... however, i kno that afterward, i'm the one he talks to about whatever issue or fight he's having with whoever was on the other line..... perhaps it's dysfunctional like my family & like my relationship with 'boomba'  (lmao that cracks me up every time now when i call him that)

speaking of boomba - strange that my friends have been running into him... i'll have to talk about that later.... 

back to beast..... we went back to the apt after we ate & we actually had some nice time to chill together... it was quiet & the afternoon light flooded the room as we talked.  he lounged on the couch as i sat in a chair opposite him....rather stiff.  i was concentrating on our conversation but my body relentlessly nagged me the entire time to get close to him.  i made myself wait.  after we hit a bit of a lull i went over to him.... i stood for a second & he smacked my butt invoking a giggle from me before i sat & snuggled up to his chest & side welcomed by his arm wrapping around me.  

-----> ugh!!  every time the phone rings i hope it's him!!  stop that!!   haha  last night i totally had it under control & now i'm back to square one.... i think it's cuz of all the fondness i'm having come back to me by re-living friday...

i told him that it never fails..... every time i'm close to him i have the urge to press up against him.  I just want to feel his body.....  and since i left him on friday i've had flashes of the side of his face (cheek).... that is my favorite part... it's so soft.... i love to nuzzle against it..... i wish i was doing that right now. 

work calls.... more later.

went to lunch with papi.... it was nice.  i'm not so sure what i've gotten myself into with this one either.... i am going to have to make it clear soon that what i mostly want from him is a dancing partner.  i definitely did not expect my flirting to get the results it did with him.  maybe it's because he's looking for that.  he wants a relationship i think.  but c'mon....realistically....it's not gonna happen.  we can go to lunch...chill & whatnot....definitely go dancing... but aside from that.....nada. 

omg i can't take it anymore - i'm so excited to see beast tonight!!  its all i can think about!  i am gonna pounce on him!  lmao  i'll probably be sorry tomorrow but whatever.   i'm not sure how i feel about all the back & forth...all i kno is, right now i miss him.  alot.  and i'm very anxious to get him back to his place.  haha 

maybe he was right...maybe it is more of a physical thing.... of course i can't exactly admit that to him now... he has been very impatient lately.  or so it seems.  he admitted to having issues communicating with women a couple of weeks ago but then said that it's because we're getting closer so now he treats me more like he treats the rest of the people in his life (ie.his brother...e....steffmom....etc).  i'm a little unhappy with that.  why would u give me 'royal treatment' at first just to take it away??  i understand i should feel 'good' that i'm considered someone u treat like those closest to you but stil!  wtf??   i don't kno. i just hate how i flounder with him sometimes & how i feel stripped of my confidence.... i used to have the edge & then somewhere i lost it.... i want it back.  i have to take it back.  i don't like 'grappling' with him tho.... sometimes i start to give in but then that little virtuous ninja thingie in my head pops up & says NEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!   lmao  fight to the death.  ay.  what am i going to do with myself?  

i like a challenge.  i like thinking.  i like when people make me think & challenge me. 

freeman is retiring.  maybe that's why i met beast. 

for now i'm going downstairs for a break & to see cbb for a min as requested.  this situation is begging for trouble.  lmao  oh well.