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typical

monday.

worst commute ever this morning. i was half an hour late. that hasn't happened in the longest. at least it wasn't my fault... it's still frustrating & stress inducing tho. oh well. i'm just glad it's over & the day seems to be moving along nicely.

i'm debating whether or not i'm going to say anything to OL about last thursday. i think maybe i should. i pray to God he didn't say anything to anyone. I really don't want people to think things about me.... especially since they'd be tinted with his side of the story.

i still can't believe that went down. i don't even remember the whole thing...it's the strangest. i remember parts of it. i was concentrating so hard on miss russia that everything else around seemed to all but disappear. everything save the sensory stuff....which is what's bothering me the most. where my hand was when miss russia asked to have me on top of her. 'Morty' said 'yeah u can have her on top of u but she has to help my friend out' at that point i wanted miss russia so bad i didn't care & so i let my hand get pulled behind me & placed..... well... where OL couldn't wait to have me touch him. and i have to say.... ewwww. first of all, tiny. secondly.....soft. and third EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!! i can't stop getting flashbacks of that!! it ruined the whole thing for me because i realized i wasn't going to get away with getting my way.... just me & russia & the guys could watch if they want. i suppose that's no fun looking at it from their perspective but u kno what? i don't give a sh*t. maybe if they were the least bit attractive it'd be a different story but neither one of them is even close to someone i'd get down with so eff that! which leads me to wonder how the hell morty could pull a chick like russia!!! but to each his (or her) own.

enough about that. officially moved into grandmama's last night.  i had no idea there was so much left to take!! greg & beth came to help - we filled my car & beth's to the brim & i still had to come back one last time! crazy. at least it's all done now. i did a good job (as i pat myself on the back) cuz it was relatively easy to separate everything & get what was an absolute necessity into the room & nothing more. i have some work to do tho. the way things are set up downstairs right now is not ideal. i want to move alot of it to the back so it's out of the way & then get started on the training area. altho, now that i think about it, maybe i'll put the training area in the back... we'll see.

side note: auntie seems to be weird about me changing anything in the room (i.e. taking that friggin huge chair downstairs so i can have some room)... we'll see how it goes... guess they just need time to get used to having someone there? i don't want to be a pain in the a$$ by any means because i am beyond grateful that they are letting me stay there but i just wish they weren't so weird sometimes! they don't handle change well at all & the way they go about things sometimes is just so irritating. hopefully it won't escalate or give me a heart attack.

back to the training area. i couldn't be more excited!  i think it's going to push me a little harder to get my training cert as well cuz once i have that, i can start bringing clients down there & make some dough on the side!!  in the meantime it's gonna be awesome to have my own little spot to workout in & greg & beth can join me too!

speaking of....they're looking to move out together. not so sure it's the greatest idea. i love them to death but i don't think they fully understand what they're getting into.  beth is very smart & i kno she'll make sure she covers her a$$ but she also deals with alot of unnecessary bullsh*t because of my brother & i don't think that's fair. think about it: he's still in school & struggling to pay for it because of this that & the third...his job doesn't pay much & his boss often 'forgets' to sign the paychecks causing delay in when he gets his money....they'll have to pay for their own cable, internet, electricity, water & gas...they'll have to buy & make their own food, clean their own place.... i'm just not sure they're ready for all of that... greg doesn't pay any bills whatsoever & beth doesn't really seem to be the 'domestic' type... once again, to each his own... i don't kno. if they can make it work, all the best to them always. i just don't want them to wind up in over their heads. i'm one to talk! lmao i'm sure they'll be fine. deep down, i hope it's a while before it happens tho cuz i'd hate to move in & be closer just to have him move out right after. either way it's inevitable cuz i'm eventually gonna move back out as well but it'd be nice to be under the same roof for a while again. i miss my brother!

darius texted me this morning - he got myspace! i can't wait to go look him up tonight! i'm such a nerd. lmao we're gonna try to chill next weekend. i hope i get to see him!!! it's been forever!!

spent the night with beast on saturday. and to think i almost cancelled!! i was picking him up at his brother's house & it was already 11 so i was surprised when he told me to come up cuz they were about to watch the fight. i met his brother & some of their friends. at one point while we were watching the fight, he turned & looked at me as if he had almost forgotten i was there & said 'what's up' with a smirk...i grinned & he kissed me. i didn't mean to, but out of habit (& shear desire), i sucked lightly on his bottom lip for a split second before our lips separated. i wanted so badly to pull him back to me & just kiss him for hours. he's like a drug. i often am not aware of how strong my 'addiction' is until i get to taste & feel him again. after that all i could think about was getting back to his place & we couldn't have left fast enough! lmao altho i must admit the fight was fun to watch since the one guy looked like he was blatantly throwing it. when we got back to his place he put on a kung fu movie (wish i knew what it was called cuz i want it! i have to ask him) & we sat to watch it. at first there was a comforter on the couch that was between us but then he moved it & sat close to me.

in the middle of the movie out of nowhere he said 'i like u' & i said 'i like u too' gol he asked me why. i told him it was because he's on the same wavelength as me, fun to be around, interesting, funny, intelligent & incredibly sexy. he told me he likes me because i stimulate him mentally, physically & spiritually, i'm straightforward - there's no guessing or games with me, i'm beautiful & because i'm 'just amazing' ----> OMG!!!! gol sweetest thing ever!

i don't kno....i think i might be falling for him just a little...when we first got to his place & we were walking up to the front door he randomly asked when the last time i got some was. i told him 'the last time i was with u' which is 100% true & he was like 'really? u don't mess with other dudes? there's no 'occasionally'?' (or something to that effect) & i was like, well yeah but i've been so busy &.... he cut me off & said 'am i the occasional guy?' gol and i was like 'pretty much!' gol then i said 'to be honest, it depends on who i feel like making time for & who's available when i am' the second part didn't quite make it to his ears. he said 'ooooh! so are u making time for me??' and i said 'no' to be stubborn...paused & said 'yes' ::big smile:: gol he said 'thats whats up' i really didn't mean to say it in that order but i suppose my mind only works in truths & so the true order prevailed. well my mind only works in truths & my mouth is often alot faster than my brain... lmao probably a combination of the 2. i always resolve to work on thinking before i speak but it always falls to the wayside until the next time i blurt something out that wasn't intended to be heard or come out the way it did. ::sigh:: one day i'll learn... or maybe that's just how i work & i should accept it... maybe it's part of my 'charm' gol whatever. i just don't want him to think i'm sweatin him like that... altho i'm sure he already does. hahaha it's all good. we have a pretty profound understanding of eachother & i don't think i could hide much from him if i tried.

where the hell is tom!?!?!? i need to go get lunch!! first of all, i'm starving & secondly, i need to get away from my desk for a while. i went to work hardcore this morning - i'm feelin the new system i set up for myself on friday. i almost forgot about it till i got in this morning. i think it's going to keep me much more mentally organized. i do still have a significant number of calls to make that i'm not looking forward to (and my worst offense when it comes to procrastinating) maybe i'll get some coffee for later when i go get lunch...