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maybe i'm just not cut out for it. last night i went with some coworkers to celebrate a bday...i didn't drink anything because i was planning on going to the gym & didn't want to drink on a weeknight anyway. it was interesting to watch the evening progress....after a few rounds had been ordered, people started to really show their more personal side. smiles became less forced & glances became bolder, more honest. normally i'd have been caught up in the mix & become more outspoken & friendly, but since i stuck to my club soda w/ lemon, i was observing more than anything.
'purple nurple' aka PN had asked me & 'eck' early on about a more intimate subject (the boyfriend scene) but the conversation was swept in a different direction by the other 3 people present who were discussing, rather loudly, a different topic & the question remained unanswered. later on 'punky brewster' showed up & PN had another opportunity (not sure why he was so interested in this (he's married) other than it could logically spark some interesting conversation i suppose..) this time he took a different approach & asked what the worst date each of us had ever been on was. punky started right in as she had a fresh one (2 actually) from this past weekend. the conversation took a negative tone. i tried, unsuccessfully, to lighten the mood a couple of times before it headed straight to pure business.
as i listened to the 2 main speakers, my mind began to wander all over the place.
i started to think about all the 'dates' i've been on since i broke up with boomba.
i thought about MC.
i thought about the fact that i remembered coming home & telling juice about the worst date i'd ever had in my life but couldn't remember which one it was or who was involved (still can't & it's driving me nuts!!).
i thought about how different i was from the people i was standing & talking with.
i thought about how i wanted to leave much earlier & how each minute passing by was counting against me but couldn't quite find an opportunity to do it.
i thought about what i want & what i'm looking for in my life right now; how much i don't really want a relationship & how i've basically decided that i'd rather not ever get married.
i thought about how different my goals are from many of my peers.
i thought about the pressures that people succumb to in order to please other people (like their parents) at the cost of their own true happiness.
i thought about religion & how much i despise it.
i thought about racism & why it continues.
i gave it a few more min & then put my jacket on to signal that i was gonna be heading out. we all said our goodbyes & i headed back up to the office to get my gym stuff.
i do hope that punky finds what she's looking ror. it seems to me like the last thing she needs at this stage in her life is a committed relationship but to each his own.
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i am so impossibly exhausted right now....i didn't sleep at all last night, literally.
i had planned on going to the gym here in my bldg but decided i was better off getting in on the bus earlier & then just takng my car to the gym by my house so i wouldn't have to worry about bothering anyone to pick me up late. of course there was a 'mixup' & i wound up waiting for 15 extra minutes for auntie to come get me. i got to the gym at 9:50 & I was already changed so i still had plenty of time....of course, leave it to me to turn 'plenty of time' into cramming up to almost the last minute possible. ::rolling eyes at self:: i went downstairs to put my bag in a locker.....it was actually really chilly out & not much warmer when i got inside the gym so i made a quick detour to the sauna in hopes that it would warm me a bit & boost my motivation to go back upstairs. i wound up spending far more time in there than i'd planned & didn't get upstairs until 10:15...then i was having issues with the stupid bike i was trying to use. i finally got everything set & my workout went until 10:55. i was hoping to do some abs but didn't have time.
needless to say, i was WIRED when i got home (which is part of the reason i didn't sleep last night) it's been a long time since i went to the gym that late. even greg was like 'were u held captive all day or something?? ur like the energizer bunny!' lmao he had come out to see what i was up to as i rustled around in the kitchen. i'm sure he regretted that cuz i talked his ear off for a good 20 min or so. lmao poor kid. i also had alot to tell him cuz i never freakin see him!! but my 'yorkie mode' made me talk super fast to try to get everything out as quick as i could cuz i knew he wanted to go to bed, which made it seem worse. gol
oh man, i'm really mad at myself for doing that. i went downstairs & got some coffee... i pray that it helps.
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'viva la white girl' is sooooo stuck in my head. i love that song....beat is maaaad chill & something about lil wayne's voice just pulls me in to anything he does....
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almost completely forgot i have to work tonight! luckily it's just one game. i'm gonna stop home, change, grab my workout stuff & head over early to help out. i shouldn't do so much cardio tonight...more strength...i think i'll work on my legs, butt, abs & maybe hit the bag for a bit (no kicks, i kno) grrrr i have to make an appt at the doctor for that asap...i'm gonna use the same day to take care of that other issue as well....i can't forget about that cuz it could be detrimental if i don't take care of it....cost loads more than necessary & just cause unnecessary bullcrap. i just don't understand why they can't have some late hours or a saturday or something!! i mean c'mon!! mon-fri 8am-4pm??? are u kidding me??? ok ok so it's my own fault that i have to go there in the first place but still!! u can't work with me??? let me mail u the dough!! hahaha yeah right. oh well. i just need that off my back once & for all & it's ridiculous that i let it get as far as it's come so far. i just don't want to request another day off so soon considering i just put in (and got approved!) for the week i'm gonna be in hawaii.... whatever. a dr's appt is a dr's appt & i've put it off for too long already. i pray i haven't done any permanant damage to my ankle or that they tell me they're going to have to 're-break' it to fix it & get it to properly heal....that would suck BIG ONES!! 
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the coffee is helping a bit.... it's interesting....'cinnamon hazlenut' -- not the yummiest but not bad either. i kinda wanna try that tea i bought....maybe i'll make it this afternoon....there's cinnamon & orange spice....i think i'm gonna hold off on the orange spice... i've been practically OD'ing on vitamin C & citrus gol
seriously contemplating sneaking a nap in the ladies room 'lounge' area....that or crawling under my desk & curling up for a few....i could actually fit & if i pull my chair in, no one will ever see me.... lmao i might have to do that when i take lunch... it's almost 1...good enough. i just lack motivation completely today. i did manage to get some work done tho & i'm actually really close to being completely caught up....i'm not sure that's really a good thing....when i'm caught up, i'm gonna be sitting here twiddling my thumbs.... well that's not tru. i can do some studying & whatnot....advance my training etc... focus on fine-tuning my skills....
Eck made an interesting comment last night. we were talking about the new chick she works with & i think PN said something like 'u'll probably end up working with her at some point'.... i took that as 'u never kno' cuz it's tru with just about anyone/everyone in this place but Eck looked at me as if she knew some kind of inside info & said 'i have a feeling u will be....' as she nodded. interesting. i'm thinking maybe she's in on twitch's plans & there may be talk about making me his replacement....could just be wishful thinking tho. afterall, i'm not registered yet & not nearly as experienced....what good would i be? then again, if they're patient & willing to start me from (almost) scratch, it just might be a possibility. i do learn quick & if i dont' kno the answer or how to do something, i'm resourceful & really good at finding out what i need to kno to accomplish whatever task is at hand. plus i'm really good with the clients & i'm super organized...i have the clerical part of it down since i'm well versed in that arena to begin with..... awesome phone skills & stellar written proficiency..... not to mention i've been with the company for over 2 years now... we'll see what happens when the time comes. it's nice to kno/hear that so many people have so much faith in me tho! more than i have in myself sometimes! lmao that's what's up!
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texted some with MC this morning. he was off from work again!!! lucky ducky!! i guess that makes sense tho...that class they made him take had him getting home after midnight! they couldn't expect him to be at work again by 6am....that would just be unreasonable...it's not like he lives in (or anywhere near) the city...
::sigh:: i wanna see him again so bad!!! i hope we can work something out soon....even if it's only for a little while. he's so yummy!!!
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wow....no one likes her...lmao i mean, she is definitely a stickler but she seems to be pretty nice as long as u don't eff up... i was on her bad side in the beginning but i've since proven myself & she responds quite differently now. i no longer feel like i'm scrutinized.
it's gotta be hard for her too... but she obviously has goals she's persuing & i don't think anything is going to stand in her way. i wonder what her personal life is like....does she have a man? what are her friends like? does she have any out here? i think she's from the south.... i wonder if she has any family close by.... does she go home every night to a dark & silent apartment? does she have any pets? she doesn't strike me as the animal loving type. well, maybe a cat....i think i assumed she was married when i first came here but i don't think that's the case... does she 'play for the other team'? or did she accept the fact that she's married to her career? wonder wonder wonder gol
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today is blue shirt day at work. lmao almost every guy here is wearing a blue button down. strange. (can u tell i'm really bored?? lmao)
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Posted by foxx_flie on 2008-04-16 13:27:59 | Rating: | Views: 73
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