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first i'll start with the dreams.....
yesterday morning beast tried to wake me but i was wrapped up in a dream & determined to finish it. (that has never been something i've been able to do.... when i talked to him later he said 'i really didn't want to wake u.... maybe that was why. either way, i felt & briefly saw his presence in the middle of the dream but brushed it away & went back to my dream before responding to his second attempt once the dream was over --> interesting)
in the dream i got a call from 'fulton's' father telling me that fulton's sister had had the baby. there was cause for concern as the baby had been born with a condition referred to as 'wetback' (no racial implication of course as i am half hispanic myself...just what he wound up calling it in the dream - had more to do with the skin condition).... i was outside as i talked to him on the phone. it was spring & i was outside grandmama's house working on my car. the jetta's seats were pulled apart for some reason.... i knew what i was doing tho & not worried about the state of the car other than the fact that i was contemplating going to the hospital to see the baby & would need to get it back in driving condition quickly. his father was trying to explain the condition to me in a very subtle & vague manner so as not to alarm me but to warn me of what i would encounter if i did indeed go to the hospital. he said it might be better for me to wait a few days but i just kept 'yessing' him to death because i already knew what the condition was & had seen pictures of it. (it was actually a combination of Syndactyly & Harlequin). at that point i woke up with a gentle nudge from beast. it was time to go.
the other dream i had was last night or early this morning, also at beast's house - yup stayed 2 nights in a row....i've got more to write about that too...) in this dream greg & i were getting ready to go on a trip to PR. there was some last minute packing & my mother was taking us to the airport. i was not pleased but allowed the excitement of the trip to lift my spirits & get me past thinking about all that crap. we got to the airport & (this part isn't very clear) there was some sort of mix up with the gate.... she dropped us off at the domestic gate but we had to be in the international one because even tho PR is part of the US, it is not located in the continental states. I started to flip out thinking we'd miss our flight but calmed myself down with the knowledge that we could always catch the next flight for a nominal fee (as i'd done the time i missed my flight to FL). I also said out loud 'wait, what time is the flight??' & looked at the ticket as we ran out the door. the flight was at 12:30pm & we were there at around 9:30am so we had plenty of time. with that, i woke up....again by beast calling my name but he was more frantic because he realized he had overslept.
on to the weekend recap. friday night i went to class as usual & beast & i hung around & talked for a couple of hours....he wanted me to come but realized it didn't make sense. i said 'well i'm gonna see u tomorrow anyway tho, right?' all of a sudden it's 'maybe' i was like, wait a minute!! last saturday when we missed the movie he had said we'd go the following week.....then i realized he was looking for submission of some sort.
i had already told him no on wednesday. i said something to the effect of 'i saved saturday for u...' and he almost immediately softened to warm butter & said 'ok then' or something like that.... also said 'i don't like to be told 'no'' and i was like 'hello! neither do i!! and it's not like i say no for no reason or to play games.... i don't want to say no but sometimes it's not in my control' and he understood of course.... he's funny...like a little kid sometimes. haha
::rolls eyes::
at one point while we were talking he said he had plans with E but he didn't feel like going... 'i'd much rather be home with u....' awww later on he blurted 'baby i just wanna be with u!!' and literally (and jokingly) fell to the floor. lmao damn. i don't kno.... i'm still trying to figure out when i gained the power.... it flipped quick & i didn't see it coming. i didn't really want it to happen either.... i liked his authority... maybe he switched it.
he said on saturday night 'i need u to be on point' i thought about that later & came to the conclusion that it may be he needs me to be on point so he doesn't have to be...... not sure if that sits well with me. i am no one's mother. it's hard to figure out how to take things with him....he doesn't always mean what i think he means..... he is constantly testing me. i told him last night that he puts alot of pressure on me & it doesn't help. he apologized & said he won't do it anymore.
anyway, when greg picked me up he was excited because they were having a party at pezzy's house & he wanted me to come. we went straight there & it was pretty cool for the first hour or so....then i got bored & drunker than i'd planned. chunk almost got in a fight (tho rightfully so) & i was falling asleep waiting for greg to finish talking to him about it with pezzy. finally beth took me home.
i taught my class saturday morning, went home for a nap, went back to the gym to workout & shower, did the soccer league & then texted beast but didn't receive a reply. for a min i thought we actually might not get together. it didn't really bother me save the fact i rushed my workout so i could be showered to leave the gym straight away to go to him. so i headed home. on the way there L texted & said they were going to be in NB celebrating lidell's bday & wanted me to come out. i told her if i didn't hear from beast, i'd come out. half an hour passed & i made my decision to join L. just as i picked up the phone to text her, who do u think called me?
beast. (of course hahaha)
so i decided to go to his place afterall... it was still relatively early so we tried to make the movie but the stupid GPS got us lost & by the time we got to the theatre it wasn't worth it. we went back to his house & did what we do best. lmao
he made the comment 'it's good to be home'
he knows there's a deeper meaning to that & i kno that he knew i picked up on that as well. he had also shared a song with me ealier in the car when we were on the way to the movies.... i'm in love with it & it makes me crave him. i think it's because i can see what he sees when he hears it. i haven't asked him about it yet but when the song finished he said the first person that came to mind when he heard it was me... i was singing it to him. i was taken aback. then let it settle. today i've decided....it may just be the case. the line he said reminded him most of me was 'until u see...ur just like me...' it's very dark. but i think i am darker than everyone thinks i am, including myself. i know i have that corner of me.....i've seen it before. i think he sees it too. it's been playing in my head all day.
i dropped him at the train sunday morning like usual...got home, ate & promptly passed out. i woke up at 1:40pm, went back to sleep & woke to the sound of beast's ringer. he wanted me to come out so we could go to the movies. i asked what time it was & he said 7. i resisted coming out because it was sunday and now kinda 'late'.... but he's persuasive & broke me down. i packed my stuff & went. we caught the movie which was not nearly as good as i'd expected it to be, then went back to his house & got down to it again....
i'm about to go to class soon....getting my eyebrows done first of course. may stop off to pick some stuff up as well but we'll see. i think he has plans with E tonight but i bet u $10 i'll be in his bed again & spending the third night in a row there.... that's a record for us. he also said something saturday.... because we have such a deep understanding of the situation.... he sees no reason why we shouldn't take it to the next level. he wants me to be his girl. he wants to spend more time with me & do things other than ...... ::ahem::..... we've had that convo before but this time it was more like he was trying to convince me or something.... not sure i like that either.
i just want things to be. no need for labels & such. why does it always happen?? TMac said 'maybe you do something that makes them crazy'......
the other thing bugging me out is that Na has been on my mind hard core. i crave his wisdom...his gentle calm....his warm aura.... his old soul.
more to write but i really need to get my butt out of here asap. i'm excited to see beast tonight.
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Posted by foxx_flie on 2008-03-10 12:29:44 | Rating: | Views: 55
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