Posted by
Gwatlan
on 2008-03-28 21:46:30 |
 |
 |
|
 |
To me it is very true that mother's role changes through times. I learned from my mother that once the child has become an adult, parents/mothers have to learn to let go.
Not many mother can do it, but my mum never meddles with her children's marriage life. However, she will gladly offer to help or to give advice/support if she is asked for it. |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| |
Posted by
keepdreaming
on 2008-03-31 22:12:18 |
|
|
|
|
I'm sorry your mother has heaped this load of resentment on you. A mother should be there for her children through out their lives to support them and love them. Yes, that role does change...it changes as the child grows...it changes from a baby to a child, and from a child to a teenager, and it changes again from a teenager to an adult. But the love, and respect should always be there. I'm sorry your mother makes you feel this anger inside. You don't deserve that. No one does. Try to let it go...try to forgive her, because it uses too much of YOUR precious energy. Your life is now YOUR life, don't let your anger for her control ANY of it. Wash it away!
Much luv 2 U!! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Posted by
foxx_flie
on 2008-04-02 09:41:08 |
|
|
|
|
| gwatlan - ur mom sounds lovely :o) it's good that she doesn't meddle but is always around when you need her. u'r certainly blessed :o) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Posted by
foxx_flie
on 2008-04-02 10:03:48 |
|
|
|
|
KD....ah KD.... ur so right... i like the phrase u used 'wash it away'...i think maybe i'm finally trying to do that now... all this time i've just been either bottling it up or ignoring it altogether. boy was that a mistake! haha
i think also what i was doing in a way was taking my time to evaluate how i really felt about the whole thing. i listened to the opinions of the people who know about the situation & took those in to decide whether i was being irrational. i kno i'm entitled to whatever i want to feel/think etc but i feel like i should be fair no matter what. i most certainly didn't want to forgive her based solely on the premise that 'she's ur mother' crap. EFF that.
anyway, i kind of have an urge to confront her on the whole thing just to call her out on her bullsh*t and see what she has to say for herself. i think i assume too often that i kno what she'll say & how she'll react (altho rightfully so since i've dealt with her since i was born & kno her pretty damn well from a mother-child perspective) .....
u kno the other thing that kills me is all i ever wanted since i was little was to be close to her & have that kind of mother-daughter relationship where u can talk about stuff & go shopping & have facials & coffee & all that crap.... she was my world when i was little & she could do no wrong, EVER. but she never seemed to have much time for me unless it was hers to give...i'd try to talk to her about a boy or whatever was going on in my life at the time & she'd say 'i'm listening' as she nodded & moved about doing whatever it was she was busy with in the house...i wasn't stupid. i knew she wasn't really listening. she never really gave me any good advice...i suppose i never really asked her for any tho... i learned quickly that talking to her was pointless unless i was just looking to hear myself talk out loud.
for a while we did have some time with her where she'd take my brother & i out once a week to have dinner & we'd talk & have fun...but i never had that one-on-one time i craved with her.
she was an amazing mother in the caretaker & disciplinary sense of the word - which makes it very deceiving to other people who view a bad mother as one who neglects her children's basic needs. but as i get older, i think it's important for ur mother to also be ur friend & some sort of emotional support system & in that regard, she failed miserably at a time where it was most crucial (teenage years & up).
she's afraid to let people in. afraid to let them understand her. i think that as we got older & closer to adulthood; better able to understand things, she realized that & decided to shut us out just like she did with the rest of the world. when we were little she'd always describe her problems as 'stupid grown up stuff' but it used to drive me nuts cuz i wanted her to be able to talk about it so she wouldn't be so stressed out all the time. maybe she wanted to shield us & knew that she could up to a certain point. even so i would suggest to her that she talk to someone...ANYONE if she didn't want to talk to me so that she could get some sort of release. she always laughed it off & thought it was cute or whatever. even when i suggested that my parents get a divorce - i was 10 & dead serious. it was very obvious to me that they didn't belong together & continuing to have my brother & i go through all that trauma was ridiculous. she claims she stayed with him for us but that can't possibly be the case. they still love eachother to this day & i kno that but they are both too immature to be in a relationship that requires any higher level of responsibility & cooperation.
my mother has delusions of grandeur. she always wanted the big house & the nice car...she wanted to be taken care of. she's still trying to find that but she's never satisfied because she wants love as well. she had true love with my father....then the financial security with her second husband (also divorced)....now she's with a man old enough to be her father & trying to get herself in a position where she's in the will & on the deed to the house so she's set after he's gone.
so much more i could write about this...actually i can't believe i wrote this much! lmao
maybe i'll make a separate post for it... thanx for listening as always!! xoxoxoxoxoxo
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |