::sigh of relief::
court went fine.  it seemed a bit excessive but judging by the amount of people present from the same management company that my apt complex is run by, i can see now why they might er on the side of extremity.  either way it seemed like more of a scare tactic than anything.  i'm just glad it's over.

i started packing yesterday & moved some of my stuff over to grandmama's.  i'm gonna move some more over the weekend & the following week; i'm not sure when i'll officially move in tho.

i am soooo tired today... slept on the bus but definitely could have slept more.  it took me a while to be coherant this morning.  having off yesterday really threw me off more than usual.  it was such a long day.  i'm really preoccupied with all that's going on too... or maybe it was just the coffaro's hahaha  i swear they put something in there that's like a drug!! 

grandmama & auntie are excited that i'm moving in.  i'm kind of excited too.  it's going to be sooo nice not to have to worry about rent for a while & to get my financial situation back under control.  like the old days.  hard to believe that all my problems with this stemmed from my 2nd trip to florida to see juanito.  ay... completely my fault.  i maintain that it was worth it tho.  i had a good time & i love him.  lmao  well maybe not love but u kno... i suppose it's a bit ridiculous but i just can't seem to pull myself away from him.  there's something about him that drives me crazy... and of course he reached out to me not too long ago.  i hadn't heard from him in soooo long & all of a sudden out of the blue he sends me a comment & a msg on myspace.  i'd had my hopes raised by that before on several occassions when his account got fished, only to be disappointed when the comments were really spam.  to my surprise, this time they were real!  the comment was cute & typical of him.  the message had his phone number & said 'holla!'  i couldn't believe it & i got so excited!  gol  i called him that night & he picked up.  he had just gotten out of work.  we talked for a little bit.  he asked when i was coming back to orlando.  i texted him yesterday void of expectations of a response:

Me --> i wish i wasn't so far from u


but what do u kno, he responded!!  yay!!!  hahaha


Juanito --> ur not. i'm always in ur heart!

M --> tru :) i miss u pa

J --> u know what to do

M --> yeah i'm workin on it ;o)

J --> u better! lol

M --> i thought u forgot about me

J --> never forget the good people.

M --> word :) xoxo

ay!!  what is it about him????  i just keep remembering the night we stayed up till morning & talked... just talked.  with the most sexual person i kno...we talked! gol  he was open... told me things i kno he's never told anyone else before, even though he told me that as well.  we connected on another level...spiritually.  i kno it sounds sappy & dumb but it was just so amazing.  & then as karma would have it, the next day happened.  i'll never forget the look on his face...i still feel bad about it & i wish it had gone differently but i suppose in retrospect it went exactly as it should have.  first of all, he had that coming for a long time.  not that i'm in any position to judge anyone, but he has done things like that (& much worse) to countless girls.  secondly, if it hadn't happened, the situation between him & i would have been much more complicated because nothing would have stood in the way.  i would have been caught up & trying desperately to make something work....i kno myself too well.  on top of that, i never would have had the opportunity to call myself out on my own bullshit.  it worked 2-fold because it taught both of us a lesson.  the best part is, it still worked out.  i'll never forget the night we went to the club with his sister....

aside from the night i met him in PR, that night was one of the best i've ever had.  i miss him alot.  i miss his kisses...his hands...his skin...his braids...the way he smells....his shoulders....his legs...his stomach...his neck... his jawline... his eyes... his nose... his voice...his tongue ring...his back...  UGH!!!  so anyway... that night his sister & her girl came to my room before we went out & we talked for a while.  i felt the need to explain to them what had happened & ask for their feedback.  they were helpful & his sister made me feel better about it.  it really wasn't such a big deal but i felt terrible.  i'm not in the practice of hurting people ever.  i'm used to them hurting me.  it was very strange to be on the other side for the first time.  i didn't like it at all.  in any event, that night he stuck close to me & i loved every minute of it.  he also went all out when that contest came up.  i kno part of it was because he's a ham like me but the other part had to do with him showing off for me as both he & his sister told me.  que lindo!!  the best part was at G's house later on that night... we were all sitting in the living room just talking & whatnot.  he & i curled up on the loveseat & he had his arm around me as i sat against his chest.  he kept rubbing my leg the entire time (which is one of my all time favorite things in the entire world!!!!).  then another 'magical' thing happened when the older guy that was a friend of G's started telling Juanito how i was a good girl & i really care about him.  juan was listening intently & kept nodding, voicing his agreement & looking at me every so often.  it was the craziest thing... and even crazier was that the way the man talked reminded me so much of grandmama... i felt like she was there talking... thru him.  very strange.  it was another spiritually connected moment... u could feel it in the air. 

the night in PR was a whole other story.  he missed his flight home for me!!  that was so crazy.  altho i kno he's the same type of person as i am & has a tendency to go off on a whim at any given moment depending on his mood & fall fast in & out of fly-off-the-handle, fly-by-night love...afterall, he is a pisces!! gol  but still!