to draw people to me when i think about them worked its magic again today.  got a text from cbb asking about wed.... i knew it was coming...i could feel it.  i really don't kno what to do about him.... at first he was so incredibly irritating....then he backed off & the last time i saw him i wanted to be all over him!  suppose that confirms the fact that i like the chase....if u make it too easy for me, i lose interest immediately. 

in any event i already have tentative plans with MC for dinner....depends on whether he has to work OT or not.... I guess if that falls thru i could always hit the gym & maybe head over to cbb's... we'll see.   i really really really really REALLY wanna see MC... we've been texting all day.... i hope he doesn't have to work late & we can go out.  even if i only see him for a little while... i just want to kiss him & feel him rub me & touch me. 

goosebumps all day.... hahaha

i guess i should finish up with the rest of the weekend recap?  i wound up running late getting to beast sat night because there was ridiculous traffic getting into & all over the city.  he got mad because i went to the east side instead of the west side by accident but the last time i was at his friend's apt we took the train &  i didn't pay attention to the address... what do i kno?  apparently he thought i was someone else who drove there cuz he was like 'how could u not kno where it is?  u've been here before & u parked across the street' blah blah blah... i was like 'ummm, no, that wasn't me so shut the f*ck up.'  then he apologized.  dick.  he can be such an a$$hole sometimes & up until recently i haven't really seen that side of him come out toward me. 

anyway we got to the place with plenty of time before the show started.  it was alot of fun but i don't remember it being that long & drawn out the last time i was there.... then again, i was 10 hahaha  funny cuz when we walked in i thought 'i remember this place being alot bigger!' hahahaha  makes sense i guess.

after the show i drove them back to the city & i was planning on going straight home & possibly getting up wih MC but beast was under the assumption that i was going to stick around.  some of his coworkers from the other gym he works at were going to a club & invited him.  he was gonna see if he could get stefmom to stay with the kids so we could go join them.  that didn't work so he said he wanted to just drive around & find a spot to sit & chill but wanted the boys to be asleep first so we went upstairs.  he fell asleep way before the boys did but i didnt mind cuz they were really good kids.  they took a liking to me & we played cards & watched tv & stuff...it was fun.  :o)   then i started getting really tired.... i was going to leave but i felt kinda bad & it was already pretty late....and i didn't want to drive when i was that tired....so i curled up next to beast on the bed & fell asleep.... later he woke me & wanted to go in the shower 2gether.... i was still tired & wanted to just go back to sleep but obliged him anyway.... it wasn't like usual - what with the kids in the next room & all...we had to be quiet.... couple other factors were thrown in as well but i don't feel like talking about them.

after that we went back to sleep for a bit after i struggled with deciding if i was going to stay or leave.... at one point we went downstairs to my car....i don't remember why tho.... either way we chilled with wii & then drove to the east side to try to catch the sunrise.  we both fell asleep but it was too cloudy to see it anyway so it wasn't all that disappointing.... his older son woke up around 5am & was hungry so we resolved to all go to the diner for pancakes.  i played 'pass the pigs' with the boys while we waited for the food & beast laid down in the booth to nap... that kinda pi$$ed me off.  after we ate, i left to go home, getting in around 9am....i literally crashed on my bed & didn't wake up again until 4:45pm!!  i was supposed to be at my grandparents' house for 'easter' dinner at 5:30 as far as i knew....called daddy & found out it was 6:15 instead.... greg forgot all about it & said he didnt' get the email from daddy to remind him during the week..... so he didn't come.  i got there about 30 min late & wound up having one of the nicer times i've ever had there.  i talked alot about the issues with my mother & whatnot....my grandfather spoke a few times during the convo which is nuts cuz he NEVER talks.... when we were leaving & i said goodbye to him he said 'ur a great kid!'   ::BEAMING WITH PRIDE!!!"::  gol  it means alot to me that he's proud of me. 

on a more serious note, a good father is extremely important to me.  not that i'm planning on ever having kids but if a guy i'm with already has kids, part of my attraction to him will inevitably be based on how he interacts with & takes care of them.  beast is far to inconsistent.  his mood varies & goes from one extreme to the other in half a second flat.  he's lucky his kids are so good.  i think maybe because he's so used to not having to take care of them that it takes a toll on him when they are around....but thats no excuse.  i'm getting to the point where i think i might have to chill back from him for a while...  re-evaluate the situation. 

i'm worried that too much of it has to do with MC.... but u kno what?  if MC is the one who's finally gonna treat me the way i deserve to be treated then so be it.  i'm tired of dealing with bullcrap.  there's no reason for it.   i wonder if i'll ever get the opportunity to see MC interact with his son...

i'm going to na's house 2night.... should be interesting... i can't stay late cuz i'm exhausted but maybe we can get some work done.... i just hope it's not too awkward... i think it'll be ok.  his son lives with him 24/7 now... he sent me a text yesterday...

Na --> 'u r so beautiful, sometimes i just wanna look at u, let me look at u.  u could be my muse, i could write poems & hooks 4 u'

random as hell....

Me --> 'Na.....where did that come from??' 

he said it was a song that came to his mind & it was just his way of saying hello.  then he asked if it bothered me & that he didn't want to push me away but that i inspire him.  wow. 

the rest of today needs to pick up the pace so i can get on the bus for a nap....