there's so much to write about & it just keeps piling up..... i should have plenty of time to do it starting tomorrow...i'll be house/dog sitting for L until the 9th.... the whole house to myself for 6 days.... sweet. :) i decided not to bring my pup since it'll be more of a headache for me but with my mother having recently been in the hospital, i'm not sure if i can have her stay there as originally planned. hopefully my aunt won't mind but if worse comes to worst, i can always just bring her. either way i think this is going to be a much needed break from the stress i've been wrapped up in.
i'll have plenty of quiet time to myself in which i can do some searching & healing.
i have no doubt that cross will find a way to come see me but i'm not complaining about that. i just worry about the step i have yet to take to ensure i can be with him guilt free.
he said to me "i know u've been holding back"..... how does he know everything???? or close enough to it. i love it but it's still taking some getting used to.
my horoscope today said "There are some romantic issues, Pisces that you have been sweeping under the rug lately. To you it seems this issue is in a constant state of upheaval, but once again this is your imagination running wild with you. You need to prepare yourself to examine the real issues, which are issues of the heart, and not those of practical nature. The person that is on your mind the most, is thinking of you just as often and is ready, willing, and able to offer you their arms. But they do expect you to make the next move, so what are you waiting for?"
since i stopped telling him i love him, i've been getting the feeling he wants me to say it again (part of the holding back).... especially since we had the convo about kids -- another thing to write about...... i'm wondering if perhaps that was the final test? or something like that.... maybe he is waiting for me to make the next move.... i've been feeling like if i say it again, he might actually say it back this time.... i can hear him saying it.... feel him saying it.....
we'll see i suppose..... i wanted to say it the last couple of times we were together.
damn that reminds me, i didn't tell him yet about being gone for a week.... oops lol
time for bed.
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