last night juice called after i poked him on facebook.  i knew he was gonna either text or call me...i felt it coming.  gol  it was nice to talk to him; i miss him alot lately.  anyway, i confessed something to him that only one other person (Lis) knows -- the way i feel about Bahia is the same way i felt when i first fell for buppi.  i still can't believe it & it scares the crap out of me but i realized it last night....he's got me just about ready to tell everyone else to hit the road.    and for me to tell juice about the buppi thing.....that's just huge.  i mean, it might not work out in the end but what's the hurt in trying, right?  i just don't wanna eff it up... i'm afraid i'm gonna hurt him or just screw up somehow.... for now i'm gonna just keep it the same until he brings up the relationship thing again & then i'll have to make a decision.

last night i went to see him for a bit after the gym & i couldn't get enough... i want to have him close to me...just pull him into me...thru me......and kissing...omg.....i can't stop kissing him!!  i can't be near him & not kiss him!  like a magnet lmao  and sometimes he just makes me melt...... talk about weak in the knees!!!   its funny cuz i've always had a way of communicating thru my kisses but not everyone picks up on it....i remember realizing when i started giving fulton the 'i love u' kiss.... in any event, bahia does it too & i could feel him telling me all sorts of things last night... then he said to me 'it's like u speak 4 languages....english, spanish, portuguese & 'sua boca''  (my mouth has a language in kissing)  i laughed & agreed..... i was telling him the same things he was telling me... but his were so strong & pure.....hence the melting.  i told him about it & he laughed, then continued to kiss me just the way i love it. 

aside from that, beast wanted me to come out & see him last night.  i wasn't in the mood.  i was supposed to text or call him but i didn't.  i feel guilty but the rational part of me keeps telling me to shut up & quit the bull$hit.  there's no reason to feel guilty.  yes, i haven't seen him in a while & yes, according to him i've been MIA & 'neglecting' him....yes he's leaving for jamaica on friday & i won't see him for a min but none of that really matters.  i don't owe him or anyone else anything.  i have to stop falling into those guilt trips & allowing myself to be manipulated.  they might get mad but either they'll get over it or they'll go away & if the latter happens, it just means that it wasn't meant to be & i'm better off without them in my life.