MY BROTHER MY FRIEND
I am free
Don't grieve for me, for now I am free
I am following the path that God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work nor play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that place at the end of the day
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with a remembered joy
A friendship shared, a laugh a kiss
Oh yes these thing I to will miss
Be not burdened with the times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life's been full, good times and loved one
Perhaps my time seems all to brief
Don't lengthen it now with undo grief
Lift up your hears and share with me
God wanted me home
He set me free.
 

                                            In loving memory of our son, brother and friend  

                                                               Past, Present and Future.

For those we have loved and will continue to miss.  At any given day and at any given time there is a family mourning the loss of a loved one.  This loss may be due to illness, age, accident or the taking of their own life.  It really does not matter, mourning is mourning.

What is Grief?  Grief is expressed in many different ways.  To what degree is to much grief?  Who makes that determination?

Do you know or understand the 7 degrees of grief?

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

Now ask yourself should there only be 7?  

How about explanation or understanding.  Those birthdays, births, weddings, graduations or anniversaries that come and go each year but those we lost do not. 

Let me introduce myself.  I am Cindy, I live in Taylorsville Utah and have lost a brother.  I lost my brother to suicide more than 7 yrs ago.  There is not a day that does not go by that I wish he were still with us.  My brother left behind his family and friends.  But most important he left behind his son.  A beautiful and handsome young man he has grown to be, but with a very important person missing from his life.

Is it selfish for me to want to see my brother?  Would I give anything to bring him home?  Yes I would on both accounts.  But what would I be giving up?  My family and friends?  My life?  

Being on the other end of mental illness is very scary for all of those involved.  There are those who will blow it off as attention seeking, drug seeking or just being bored.  Then there are those who live or have lived with this disease for such a long time, and time ran out.