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a loose term for your in the middle of a shitty situation get through it work it which applies to me most of the time"a quit your bitching light should come on"
So last night drank some vodka in a water bottle with lemonade. Of course when I got home it was the same old routine,rub scratch rub scratch massage.
It seems like I got woke up every hour.For some reason or other,tending to her needs
I keep a stash of coffe in a bottle in the closet,so she wakes me up and I take a sip.
anyway enough of these one liners
I got thru the day,sipping on vodka and lemonade(in he closet) and the scratch,rub ,massage routine. Why the scratch rub massage routine
Well she has bad kidneys,so the the itching is a result. To me its horrible situation,as Iam "tasked" to service her on a nightly basis. If your kidneys are bad ,you evenly go on dialysis ,to filter out the poisons
So finished watchig fly boys an excellent movies (world war 1 flying squadron) Watching apocalypse now (vietnam war) marten sheen ,robert devalle harrison ford (all young actors)
its terrible we all get old. )
We get old and are replaced with a new generation,have babies,get married got to college,buy houses,live screwed up lifes,bcome criminals die,become drug addicts.
Here Iam almost 61 drinking smoking no kids ,no future,married to the wrong person,no sense of purpose. Just live. Sad uh.So many deserving persons poor trying hard.
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Well enough of that. The weight of all the crap between her and me keeps rearing its ugly head.The consequence being some real ugly confrontation(Iam trying to bull shit myself) no not actually,each night is a nightmare. I hope I can realize the futility of it but also realize the consequences and hardship of change.Its like what have I been doing the whole shift Denial. I keep looking at my problem in sort of "it will go away" or another night just to get through it. Heh! ok sigh!!! shoulders hurt. Some one would look and say ok besides the crippling phycological problems I have and her vicious control and my submissive passive personality what do have(Iam I trying to bull shit myself) Iam I subconsciously preventing myself from doing anything.Most likley
I really don,t want to come here every time I come to work and whin. The problem is she well go bonkers. I react in some do or die this is it action,secretly hoping she will calm down and I can come back.Truth of the matter is it starts all over again The constant control,the control of the money.So some will say "Dave" look at whats happending ,internally your turning into basket case .
So what did a guy tell me once calm down.However its hard to calm down. I think Iam torn with toughning it out and leaving
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Posted by flipmaster on 2008-02-03 19:11:22 | Rating: | Views: 73
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