Thoughts.com Blogs - Trouble with a Crush

Well there is this boy in my class that I’ve had a crush on for the longest of times...well actually its gone back and forth with me liking him...
it all started with flag line...he was a flag runner and I am a flag girl...so I saw him and hung out with him every Friday and Saturday...we got to know each other pretty quickly through all the long bus rides, football games, parades, and band competitions and soon enough all we did was flirt with each other every second we saw each other...

(A capital H in he or his means it resembles my crush...I would put the name in there but I’m not sure who may know him that is on here or who may run across it)

Well one day at a competition he supposedly asked me to homecoming...but I of course didn’t really take it as a ask to go with him because this is what he said, “Heyy, are you going to homecoming?” and I didn’t understand that was how he sort of asked if somebody wanted to go to the dance with him...well it was my first time being ‘asked’ to a dance...but it wouldn’t have been the first time technically somebody had asked me for a friend if I wanted to go with them...well in the end I didn’t go with him even though he asked me again in a way and I said yes I would go with him...
Later on in the year the whole marching band was invited to perform for the queen when she came to Richmond...so we were gone for the whole day from school...it was soo fun...
In the beginning the whole guard was being admired by all of the little kids...they were saying that we had such pretty dresses on...then we got the command to go to attention and then parade rest...we waited in silence for the full attention command and the mark time...then we were off, off to perform for the Queen of England...soon after the parade performance we were let to roam free on the grounds...well of course we all went to eat our lunch because it was nearing 3:00p so it had already been at least 7 hours since our last meal...
I went over to sit with my band buddies and guard girlies...and guess who follows along with them.....yep..He does...and he comes over and sits right in front of me and I just for some reason couldn’t say a word to him...I just sat in silence until he ended up getting up to throw away his trash and he came back and sat backwards to the way he was before—back to me—and then leans back into my lap...and then I could only smile...and he did the same...
Then it started to rain so a group of us did the smart thing and we went under the big tree by the building we were next to...it had branches that reached to the ground...so it made a great cover...(it ended up getting the name of the Sex Tree) ...but by the time I got under there my friend and I realized that it was just couples that were under there so it was quite uncomfortable for us...well soon He joined us and my friend left...I just stayed there with my friends—because they were all my great friends and I felt fine around them... ...a few minutes later somebody breaks a branch that they were holding on to and it hit me in the head and He took me in his arms and told him that that wasn’t nice and that he should say sorry and so he did...and then He told me that I looked tired and needed to rest so he laid my head on his shoulder/chest and wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against mine...I think we sat there for about 10 minutes and then the band director gives us the sign to fill up the crowd—turned out that the queen had arrived late and the rain had made soo many people leave so not that many people were left, so that meant that we had to be crowed fillers...and so we did and while we stood there waiting for her grand entrance I was talking with Him and when I looked away somebody had touched my butt/brushed against it—it felt like somebody’s hand, and so I turned to see who it could have been and all I could think of it being was him—the one other girl that was over behind me would never do something like that...so I started to flirt back with him to try to find out if it was him...and I could tell by the way he responded that it had to have been him...and sort of tried to tell this guy beside him something supposedly whispering—trying to make sure I didn’t hear him—and to me it sounded like “if I hadn’t touched her ass, like if it was somebody else, I would wish it was me...” ...and that is basically how it ended
Some couple of weeks later we went on spring trip...that year we had gone to Georgia...and for the most part it went well...but the only true thing I can give full remembrance to was the bus ride back...
For the beginning everybody was still sleeping/sleepy...so it stayed pretty quiet until we stopped at our first stop...
When we got back on the bus a lot of people decided that they were going to put a pillow in the aisle and go to sleep...well I got my pillow and blanket and started to make a spot for me to lay down at...and as I was doing this He comes back and sits on the floor in front of me, well since I wasn’t in my seat I told him that he could sit in it...and he did...we ended up talking for sometime until I started to yawn, well he lifted up the arm rest on the chair and told me I could lean on the corner of the seat, so I placed my little squish pillow on it and fell asleep...
Not to long later I woke up for a few minutes and started to talk with Him and one of my best friends beside me...
While I was talking with my best friend I hadn’t noticed that He took my pillow and otter and was holing on to them like a hug and I told him to give me my baby back(joke about the otter) and He said “No, its my baby” and I said the same thing...and then he said “Ok..Fine it’s both our baby.” And then he game me back my otter and kept my squish pillow...then he placed it on his lap as I went and asked my friend a question...he told me that he wouldn’t take it anymore and he gave me His sad look and cute little eye thing...and He said that I could rest my head on his lap(in which he put my pillow)...and so I did...and when I woke up—I didn’t truly wake up...I just had open my eyes and found that He had His arm wrapped around me...like across to my left shoulder(He was on my right side) but then he took it away and took one of his headphone ears and placed it in my ear and told by friend that he just had to play these ‘certain lyrics’ for me...and he did...they were songs like: Don’t Matter, I Wanna Love You, and Take A Look At My Girlfriend...and after awhile I picked my head up and just looked at him with an sort of flirty smile...and both of us just looked at each other and blushed...
And that was about the last time I truly talked with him for a long time...basically until the last day of freshman year...
This year we have gone back and forth with talking...and we would want to talk on different weeks so it made it hard for the both of us...
My friends would tell me that we would be cute together...and they used to always say that he at least a little bit liked me back...but he didn’t know that I like him...so nothing has happened...

I guess the whole reason for writing this is so that I could get some help to show him that I like him...and a way to find out if He likes me back...
Please help me out here...any advice is better than where I am at now...
Although I will say that I tend to be a little shy towards the whole thing...and it is hard for me to just start up a conversation with Him...
Also if you have any questions feel free to leave it as a comment or email it and I can try to give you an answer...

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Update (Added 3-17)
On Friday, I was talking with a friend of mine when He walks over...and of course I saw his sister driving him to school, so I said 'I saw your sister dropping you off today' and he said 'yeah' and I said 'well she drives slow *little laugh, big grin* and he was like 'yeah, my mom was in the car so she had to be...' well we got to talking-the three of us-and then He started poking/tickling me...and we just kept flirting with each other...then another of my friends walks over and she starts talking...then out comes the words 'Yall look cute' and then silence falls for a few seconds...I look at the first friend and He looks at some guy that was sitting next to us on the floor...and then friend number two tells friend one 'don't they... 'and F1 say 'o I don't know...I’m not one to ask' as to avoid the subject for me...but then He says that he is going to go to sleep (as to avoid it as well) and begins to huddle over my book bag, up against the table stood up next to us and the wall...although he had just turned around...and I thought I saw a glimpse of him smiling or blushing..or both...lol...but all I could do was stare at F2 and have the feeling to say 'thanks for having a big mouth--I didn’t want you to say that when I was around...' but I didn't have the courage to do so...
then a few seconds after that he turns around and tickles me again...and I squeak...as usual...and we went back to flirting on a lower level...

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Update (Added 6-24)
ugh so im back to liking him now but summer is now here and i have to way of talking to him until next school year...my dreams always end up with him in them like every night...i can stand going through all of this...especially when i just got out of a relationship with this guy a few days ago...and ive tried controlling it but its not working

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Update (Added 6-29)
ive actually missed a full nights sleep just to aviod these dreams...but in the next night they just got twice as strong...and during the day i have more memories of him and me doing our things at school and band things...and i just miss him so much now i can't even stand the trouble of trying to avoid it...its so much of my life right now...
even my cat--as ive picked up--has so many of his characteristics--so every time i see my cat it reminds me of him...they both have the same sleeping style, time, and form--they both are always there when i am spinning me flag--and they both have the same kinda stare(which is kinda funny the way they both tilt their heads just slightly and stare at you)--and plenty more other things also..........