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| The Real [Inner] Me |
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How would you determine the real [inner] you? Is it the way you put yourself out for all to see? Or is it the way you feel inside but don't let others know about?
I would define the real [inner] me as a truly individual gal that needs to let out some of her innerself more often. I guess yall can say that I keep multiple personalities, I am different wtih each group of people or atmosphere. To make it simple I'll write this in parts...
With the Family
I guess yall can say I am a tomboy around the family. I am the smarty computer geek that also goes out and plays any sport invented and loves it. I look like I have the best of both worlds around them, because I pretty much do. I am able to be me around them, full out. Well I am except I have to be more behaved than what I normally would be. I have to be careful of what I say or how I say it, I have to be careful of what I "actually hear" and how I react to it, and I have to have a sheltered mind basically. I don't care, well actually enjoy, getting down and dirty when needed. I love to go ATVing and hiking through the woods and I can do it wearing anything.
With my Friends
I am very different with the group of friends I am with. When I am around my guard girls, anybody can tell that I am very out there. I am a very social butterfly when it comes to being at guard and band events. I will talk to pretty much anybody around me and make it seem as if I've known that other person for forever. I have a horrible mouth and mind; I got that way because of band - go figure. I have cussed many people out and I ain't afraid to do it again, though I am trying to stop cussing as much. I have probably the worst mental set-up. I just cannot avoid it; I learned from the best, or worse.
In Class
Oh lordy, in class it really depends on who the teacher and the classmates are. If I am in a class full of guys that I know, you can sure as hell bet that I will most likely flirt with em. Its my nature and just a habit of mine. Now if the class if full of gals then you know I'm gonna probably gossip the whole time. I cannot stand paying attention in class. It is so hard for me for some reason. If I cannot talk, then I will write a friend of mine a note to pretend that I am taking the notes on the lesson. To me, If i cannot learn it on my own then there ain't much chance that some person is gonna be able to teach me very well other wise. I get distracted very quickly by my daydreams. That kind of comes back to where I am very much a romantic dreamer. If I have a single thought going through my mind it usually ends up being about that guy thats most recently in my heart.
I guess just from that paragraph, I really get side tracked quickly, but that is how I get everything done. If i didn't get sidetracked then I would never finish a single project because I am such a perfectionist. I try not to make it too known, but if I don't have something perfect, or it doesn't have some form of a pattern that I can relate to math, then I cannot stand it.
I usually always know the answers to the questions but am just too damn quiet to say them aloud. I guess I am always not sure of the true fact if I am really correct or not. So yall can basically say I am afraid to be wrong. When I am wrong be prepared for me to debate with you to prove that in some way I am correct reguardless. I am pretty damn stubborn when I have my mind set on something.
In General
I always have to be put to work, or busy on something or I get myself into lots of trouble. At the same time, I have to be able to have my time to myself. The time I usually like to myself is always after midnight, when the house is all asleep. I love to write and compose poetry and other forms of free write pieces. I don't like things to follow patterns when it comes to writing, which is very contradictory to me as a person. I am very much an oxymoron. I hate tomboys, yet I am one, and I hate girly girls, yet I am one. I hate smart people, yet I am one, and I hate dumb people, yet I am one.
I am your typical teenager with a thousand problems but many don't get to see the inner me when it comes to my maturity level that can handle all of them. Inside of me I feel as if I was put out in the wrong time period, Sometimes I feel like I should have been born 10 years previous than I really was. I tend to have the mind set of a 27 year old. I see lots of foolish acts by my friends, but I have to remind myself what age group my friends are in and let it happen as it does.
I am very much so a controler when it comes to certain activities but in others all I want to do is follow. I don't like the spot light but if its rightfully given to me don't think I won't take it without a second thought. I have a random mind. I usually have great ideas but am afraid to put them out there. That usually ends in the group not having that great idea for the next couple minutes until somebody else finally things of the samething.
I am always hyper. I love listening to music every second possible. I love getting sun and going to the beach. I'm one of those girls that you just cannot get out of the ocean, no matter how cold it is or even how many fish are around my feet.
I am usually pretty creative but I don't ever like what I do once I do it. It takes a lot for me to really like the work that I've completed. I will work my ass off just to have myself in the end say that I hate my work and that it looks like shit. Thats just how things go.
I guess I didn't realize how much of my I do put out there for others but it just doesn't seem to be all at once. I tend to keep my personalities seperated by each environment that I am currently in.
<"Who I Am" by Jessica Andrews>
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