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| Marriage-Whats Love got to do with it?
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I was reading a magazine and read some remarks from women who have married for money and not love. They maintain that love is but a small part (if at all it is a consideration) when chosing a spouse. And this was written by women.
So that made me wonder; How important is love in a marriage? I know it sounds like the two are synonymous but are they really? What has love got to do with paying bills, paying school fees, buying a house, buying food and clothes, medical bills? And can these bills be paid by love? And is love not a fleeting emotion- one minute its there and another minute its a memory? And can you not learn to love someone? How do those people who have arranged marraige cope and why is the divorce rate lower in those communities (this is a fact) Were the Victorians so wrong when they emphasised marrying within your class?
And girls, we all know that marriage (take note:- not relationship -MARRIAGE) is difficult no matter who you choose so would you not rather feel the anguish and disappointment that usually comes with it in a luxurious house in your jacuzzi than in a rented shack. Lets face it, financial woes really have a way of killing romance. I remember watching Cinderella Man and admiring the boxer's wife played by Renee Zellweger. I admired her soft temper and encouraging nature and really wished I could be that kind of wife to a deserving man. She was so nurturing. But even her good nature soon turned foul when they had no food for the children, no heat (big thing in those countries) and almost homeless. Her loving nature was soon overtaken by the need to ensure children's survival.
Is it wrong to want a better life for yourself? I was also watching The Secret Life of Us and the lead actress was playing a dating agent. She asked a lady what she was looking for in a man and she respondend that she wanted him to be wealthy. Why is that such a bad thing? Why is it more acceptable to say you want him to be tall dark and handsome? Why has this become such a contentious issue? Could we just be trying to console ourselves in a world where the considerate, caring, loving and WEALTHY men are few and very far between (if at all they exist). And let me quantify wealthy, someone who has a lot more money than you (the woman).
I've just written about my friend who married a wealthy man and he turned out to be a bastard. I know a few women who've married poor men who have turned out to be bastards. Simply because a man's bank balance is nil does not mean that he's loaded in other areas. All it means is that his bank balance is nil so you will have to be prepared to forego a few luxuries. And should you marry this man? I guess that depends on what you expect of a husband.
If you're like me, you want a husband (note husband NOT boyfriend) who provides. I believe providing is a big part of being a husband (not a man, not a boyfriend BUT A HUSBAND) Being a husband is a specific job title, as is being a mother. Simply because you have breasts and ovaries does not mean you are fit to be a mother. Similarly, a penis does not qualify you to be a (good) husband.
Before you become a person's husband you make vows and you (should) know that you are starting a new life with someone. A new life where you are the (dare I say it) "head of the house". But what does it mean to be the head of te house? What does this imply? I know a lot of men will be chuffed to read this coming from a woman but I think this is quite an onerous task. I think it is position where you lead but do NOT rule. Everyone's worries are your worries and you have a responsibility to make sure everyone is comfortable. If you want to be the king then wear the crown- right?!
So back to the topic, it is my view that being in love is not a determining factor in deciding whether or not to get married. The main drving force should be that you are ready to get married and have found someone you want to spend your life with. You are ready for the fights, mood swings, the sickness, the irritating relatives, the sleepness nights, nappy changes, dirty laundry, morning breath, smelly socks AND you're ready to watch a hotter person go by and not pursue them. Because the way I see it, if being in love guaranteed a happy marriage,would any of us be divorced today? The problem is we signed up for love and not marriage and were disappointed to find that even the love comes and goes and is at times replaced by rage, disappointment, heartbreak or even hatred. Love is a big part of it but its not everything. It is a good foundation but you need more than a foundation to build a house.
I once wrote that it seems like the point of getting married is to stay married. I was wrong, the point of getting married is to have a lifelong companion in everything you will encounter in your life from there onwards. So there is a point. I also wote that (this was a quote) that marriage is not the zenith of life but (added) marraige and divorce may well be the nadir. That is true, it certainly is in my life (so far) I digress but my point is love is not all there is to marriage. And if it is not all there is then shouldn't you take note of all the other things that are?
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Posted by ffeeona on 2008-04-28 09:05:06 | Rating: | Views: 87
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My parents have been married for over 25 yrs. I asked married people is love enough and they tell me no. I do totally agree. Do we have to get into marriage with someone just because we love them? Love is just not enough, you know. I am 20 yrs old. I never been in a relationship, I can't really say much but I never want to have a relationship or get married. I mean look at the divorce rates in America, its horrible. America is a free country but yet the worst country yet.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-04-29 21:20:18
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I found some wisdom in your blogs. I am always seeking wisdom from older people
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-04-29 21:21:08
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I would love to read ur religion blog but u have it on private.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-04-30 14:25:00
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"I don't know that love changes. People change. Circumstances change." -Nicholas Sparks
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Posted by Chance777
on 2008-04-30 19:58:25
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I think I fear that people changing as time changing will totally affect the marriage completely. I don't believe in the institution of marriage. I have NO interest in relationships. Hey I never even been in one. I love to leave lots of comments on ur blogs. ur blogs are so great that I come to them to read them again and again
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-05-01 09:59:22
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I believe that just because u have feelings for someone or love someone doesn't mean u have to marry them or get into a relationship with them
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-05-01 09:59:58
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