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I've come to realise that my younger siblings live in a completely different world and that they don't understand me at all. Of particular concern is my brother, I sometimes feel that something is not right with him.
We (my sister and I) invested a lot into his education and he got a diploma (he passed with distinctions mind you) and now three years later he's living at home, unemployed and spends his whole day either pursuing acting jobs or working on his " invention". He seems to have very little ambition in life and uses the above as excuses for not looking for gainful employment. And the worst part of this is that my mother supports him in what he's doing. He's 24, stays at home with her, does not pay any bills or buy food and we are basically responsible for his upkeep (my parents are pensioners and we take care of them). I feel like he is leeching off my sister and me and he does not even appreciate the effort that goes into taking care of someone who just sits on his arse all day.
What makes things worse is that some time last year he swore at me and told me to f** off for no reason. I was so upset and really hurt because I have never done anything to provoke him but I guess he was upset because I have always emphasised that it is important that he learns to fend for himself and that he is educated and smart and should find a job. What made it worse is that my whole family chose to keep their distance and stay out of the argument yet they all (excluding my elder sister) depend on me to pay the bills and feed them. I was incensed! I was especially upset with my mother because she was actually taking his side, and to add insult to injury she allows him to ignore me and not acknowledge me when I go home to give her money and food. I cannot believe this is happening!
So I have decided to cut off both my mother and him from my life (or just about) I'm no longer going to break my back bringing them groceries and money. If they do not appreciate me then well, there are three other kids to take care of my parents. The way I see it my mother says one thing to me (that my brother should apologise and he was wrong) and nother to him (that I'll get over it) So what I have realised that I am the only one still upset by this. My mother is happy because I take care of her and because my brother lives with her and does the errands and chores she also wants to be diplomatic with him. I'm not putting up with this anymore!
When I got divorced and had to move bad to my mother's house with my son she caused me more misery than ayone else. She criticised my abilities as a mother and complained that I was not buying food and giving her enough money. I was really struggling at this point and was doing my best yet my brother ans younger sister were not asked to do anything. She treated my son like a burden and I could not afford a place of my own or a maid to take care of my son. But when I eventually got my life together, I continued to take care of her. I've realised that she really does not appreciate all I have done for the family and this always comes out when she does not get what she wants or you have an argument with her. She says the meanest and most painful things and has even told me that she thinks my son is possessed..just to hurt me. I can now afford to contribute more towards taking care of her but I feel hardened by all that has happened.
I also understand why my father has decided to move away and live out of town on his own. My mother is very difficult to live with. She is sometimes caring and loving but she just flips and becomes this mean person whenever she does not get her way. Even my younger sister does not get along with her though she tries. When I really look at it, I've spent a lot of energy (and money) trying to make her life more comfortable but she does not appreciate my efforts. So I'll leave her alone with her son and focus on my own life.
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Posted by ffeeona on 2008-04-10 05:19:37 | Rating: | Views: 61
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hey...i couldnt stop myself from telling you that there is just no point in investing on someone-be it ur family who neither values you nor your son.well its not that you havent tried to help them in every possible manner but when you needed a little portion of their love and support as compared to wqhat you have done...all you got was selfishness and unhappiness...soo its time to move on babes.am sure u'll find several people outside your family who will support you and will see wat your true worth is....!think bout it...tc
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Posted by Thinkin
on 2008-04-10 08:13:10
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thanks for that. I'm now focussing on people who have a positive impact in my life.
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-04-10 09:17:52
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I have recently moved in with my grandmother. She is very difficult to live with. I don't know why relatives treat their family members the way they do. He telling you your son is possessed is ridiculous. I hope you can find some friends to hang with. Staying away from the family definately sounds like a good idea. Your mother and you brother need to get a grip.
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Posted by Faith
on 2008-04-12 14:17:13
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thanks Faith. I feel better now that I've made that decision. Its better to avoid confrontation.
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-04-14 03:00:25
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i've finally put an end to the impasse and have made up wit my family members. My brother apologised and things are ok.! what a relief!
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-05-23 02:30:24
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