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I'm 30 years old and was married for four years and have been divorced for two years now. I had reached a point where I thought that I was over the pain of my marriage but I am now experiencing the pain of divorce. My problem is that my ex and I have a beautiful son together and I love him dearly. It pains me that I have failed to give my son a stable home. It pains me that I had such a wonderful child with someone who never really loved me and who enjoys hurting me.
About a month ago I made the mistake of trying to mend relations between my ex and myself. Instead of this being a positive thing, it turned out to be the worst move. My ex proceeded to flaunt his new girlfriend in front of our peers and me and he insulted me when I asked him why this was necessary given the "progress" we had made. He lashed out at me and told me he was not interested in "engaging me" in any way. I was hurt.
Following that he told me he doesnn't want me anywhere near his family, house or maid. I have never posed a threat to anyone or tried to vilify him in any way. He makes me feel like the devil. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such hurtful comments. I am so tired of the pain and the hurt that he causes me.
I have even got to the point where I have allowed him to have temporary custody of our son, since it is clear that he wants to push me out of my son's life and put his girlfriend in my place. I have even contemplated suicide because I have lost hope in ever finding peace with this. Its not really that I want to be with him anymore (though the thought has often crossed my mind) but I just want the pain to be over. And having to see him does not make my life any easier. I have even begun to doubt my parenting skills because he makes it clear that he doesn't need me to mother our son. Perhaps I expect too much, I just hoped that we could give our son a balanced life with both mom and dad but I can't continue anymore.
Please help me
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Posted by ffeeona on 2008-04-02 14:50:00 | Rating: | Views: 68
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You are giving your son the best; you are loving him and giving your all and doing the best you can. Don't let that asshole make u think that u fail to give ur son a stable home.
Just to know, everyone is unstable. NO one is ever stable. There this saying, if everyone's problems were on the wall, u will choose ur own. Everyone has problems, and even if you were still with ur husband, u would have other problems that can be unstable as well. I hope I make sense.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-05-20 15:39:56
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I think moving to an new environment would make things better, I don't understand ur situation cuz I never been in a marriage but pain don't just go away that fast, it takes time for it to go away.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-05-20 15:41:45
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thanks Plakola for your words of reassurance. i'm working at it one day at a tme.
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-05-21 02:55:50
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