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I'm so happy to receive responses from you guys..Thanks. The article 'Ask Me Out' evoked some rather harsh comments but I know I deserve them. Someone suggested that my 'boyf' should dump me, some said I'm inconsiderate and those were fair comments. I know, I sound materialistic and unappreciative.
He and I watched a movie on Friday (sucked by the way, I can't understand how critics endorse some of these really unimaginative and disjointed movies) and we had another falling out, nothing new.
I started a survey to see how many people would date someone who is financially unstable and some of the responses were to the effect that they would if they loved him. Love. That is the answer. If you love him material things cease to matter. And so I have realised and can confess the truth. I must not really love him, in fact its almost definite that I know I don't. I feel bad for not loving him and have been trying to for a long time. He understands me, he's caring and I care for him but just not in that way. That is why I had a problem defining the relationship, calling him a real boyfrend (sans quotation marks). He is my best friend, but I just do not love him in that way.
I love being with him and talking to him but beyond that we are very different people.We are able to sit together for hours and not get tired, we have a lot in common but lead very different lives. Maybe that is why I've been nit picking and agonising over our relationship, something is missing. When I wrote the article 'I'm in love' i really felt that way at the time, infatuation I guess. I guess the truth is that I want to be in love. I want to be with someone that gets me and he is everything I need. Maybe I wanted that so much I wanted to believe I had found it. I know its pathetic.
And I realise that I have acted unfairly towards him, trying to make him what he is not, make him fit the mould. And now there'll be no more of that. I'm not sure if we can continue to be friends; that depends on him I guess. Although the problem is that the minute we try to be friends, he will expect more as will I. Its an unfortunate ending but at least it will bring closure to both of us. |
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Posted by ffeeona on 2008-05-02 02:47:48 | Rating: | Views: 43
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