Cryptic messages and thoughts haunt me today. I  can't seem to ease my mind of the total spin cycle that it is in. There is a lot going on for me right now and I feel that I have reached out to people and they have seemed to wash their hands of me. I am too much, I go too far and I scare people away. I guess I have done this my whole life. The need for human contact is so great, that when it isn't there, people go off the deep end.

If we only, each one of us had one person, all we would need is one person, to care about us, and want us around, I think the world would be a better place.

It is so hard to be alone. Wanting to reach out, afriad to reach out and then when reaching out is done, the fall that awaits you is around the corner, knowing this fall is there, we still have to turn that corner and take that fall and then reflect on what brought us to this point yet again.

Why do I need people in my life? I have tried being a hermit before, and sometimes I have to resort to lonliness as part of who I am. Then I wonder what it would be like not to be lonely. Would that be weried and jsut as mortifying as being alone.

No one has ever wanted me for me, but rather what I could do for them.

I must be some real diffficult person to care about.

Suicide doesn't seem like an option, but something that is inevitable.