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| I love my husband |
I love my husband. I'm high. It's the only time lately that I feel enough to care. I care and I feel sorry, sad. I'm not a nice person sometimes. But back to my husband, how he does it God only knows, he loves me. I know I'm 100% safe with him. He would never leave me. He'd never cheat. He would try to do anything I ask. And right now, that's a lot.
I spent three days in the hospital in the middle of October. I'm depressed. Probably for a very long time. I try to be happy but I just have these rotating thoughts that life sucks, I'm not good enough, nothing is, my whole life is just a joke, nothing good has happened and nothing ever will.
But then I think to myself, I can't think that way because I have to love my family, there has to have been good things that have happened. Then I think, but not enough. I just want to die.
I've been feeling a bit better lately. I'm getting up early. I'm helping with chores. I'm on time for work. I'm alive....But that's because I take a handful or pills every day.
What are all those chemicals doing to my brain? 4-[2-[4-(6-fluorobenzo[d]isoxazol-3-yl)-
1-piperidyl]ethyl]-3-methyl-2,6-diazabicyclo[4.4.0]deca-1,3- dien-5-one. What the fuck is that? That's just one of the 5 I take. Then they tell me not to smoke pot. What a joke. I've been doing just what the doctors say. I feel like a fucking crack head. Can't keep a thought in my head. Just the revolving ones.
I have the best husband. It's hard to be me. I can't imagine what it's like to be married to me. Hard. But he makes it easy. He loves me, even when I'm a bitch. I love him all the time too. But sometimes I love him so much it hurts. He's beautiful. Every line of his body. Every square inch. I can't even explain how gorgeous I think he is. I would never want another man. He's mine.
It's the best feeling in the world. It's the scariest feeling in the world. What if he dies. The pain. I'm barley getting by as it is. What would I do without him. Die. Why don't I just die now. It's inevitable. I'm gonna die. I'm not going to be with him then, why wait. It's just making life now unbearable at times. God I love him.
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Posted by famousdeeds on 2009-11-06 17:16:58 | Rating: | Views: 25
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