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I've not done a blog before, and I have idea what consitutes compelling reading, or the attractive points that draws someone to a blog, to make them read it. I just need a place, separate and free to gather my thoughts.
I have a problem, I have paranoia and fear of rejection, in areas professionally (and as you're reading this, fully aware my spelling and grammar leaves alot to be desired), physically and in relationships with men, family and friends.
I am aware that this, and its trends, is a typical female trait.
At the moment, I have recently started a tempory job, after being sacked from my job in Marketing, something I love. I feel, wholeheartedly and honnestly that the dismissal was unfair, but due to UK employment law, which is, as with most things with law, bias and fully in favor of the employ, to dismiss an employee without due cause and explaination, before one year of contract has been completed. Bastards.
So as a result became a good case to add the fears of rejection.
It didn't help that a significant reduction in the work load than the previous year, contributed to my dismissal.
And that two people were sharing this demished workload who were recruited and trained at exactly the same time, and the other person, other than me doing this job, was screwing the head of digital marketing in the office next door, in his and his fiance's bed, who also happened to be the best friend and god father of my boss.
My life seems to be one long injustice.
I try to do the right thing, i would never sleep with the boss, and yet im the one getting fucked.
So anyway, ive started this new job, with a reduced salary, and a reduced interlectual reqirement for the job description, because as of then, i feel inadaquite.
My new job which began two week ago, is not that bad, just amazingly boring.
My supervisor, who trained me, and happens to be 7 years my senior, wants to fuck me. Or so I thought.
The thought of this person, coming anywhere near me sexually replused me. Until today.
This person, is nice and has alot of charisma. Howvever, I do not find him attractive. He is personal-ad GSOH.
We get along well. He took my number in friendship, or so i thought. Until he was flirting alot in the office, and through text message.
Today this has changed and although he has made the effort to contact me. The text messages feel bland and cold. I wonder if he feels he has crossed the line.
I have given him many put downs, highlighing his faults, including; strange dress sence, ugliness and immaturity to my friends over lunch and shopping today, but feel dissapointed the flirting has stopped.
I wonder if he feels that it is professionally a bad move. Although, I feel now ive had my nose pushed out.
This is my problem. I can honnestly say, I felt nothing, but now I have been rejected of sorts, im panicing.
Getting worried. Dissapointed.
Am i doing this subconciously beacuse i saw the success it brought a coleage in my Marketing job, or is there genuine attaction there?
I have issues that I need addressing. I need to ask myself, would I consider sleeping with him, the answer is yes, and yesterday it was no. This is beacuse of the rejection.
I want it back, i need it back, and quite likely, i need to see a psychatrist!
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Posted by eyesclosed on 2008-01-12 19:17:18 | Rating: | Views: 64
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You miss the chase...it was nice when you had him paying attention to you, but you didnt realize until he quit.
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Posted by copenhagenblk69
on 2008-01-14 01:14:11
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eyesclosed
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