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   exxenta's Blogs in April 2008
Feel my fire, I'll engulf you in my rage.
I have basically 10 hours to put my life back together. The gradebooks close tomorrow and the question before is to fail or not to fail. I don't want to. I have to pull myself together and get all the work done, pull this all nighter and then whatever happens, just as long as I get this in. I......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-01 22:20:00 |  Rating: | Views: 1 | Comments: 0 | Tags: fury 
Though it hurts, but it heals too.
I feel much better now that I got all of my assignments turned in and can be sure that my grades are up. I'm going to get back to my regular self and kick ass this last quarter. Finally the junior year is almost over, which is great, I'm done with sitting in classes. I want to do my own thing......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-02 23:45:00 |  Rating: | Views: 1 | Comments: 0 | Tags: kisses 
Let the cars at me...
Well, don't you just love... the feeling of your actions crushing me again. I just want to forget I ever knew you. I will never forgive you for saying that you didn't love me. Or for betraying me. Some part of me still wants to be with you, but more than anything I want to let go and push you......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-03 23:13:48 |  Rating: | Views: 1 | Comments: 0 | Tags: played 
We can never be prepared for death...
I just found out that my father died of a massive heart attack. I run away from this, like I run away from everything I do not like. I do not want to deal with this, to deal with death. Yes, I'm hurt. Scared. Sad. Can someone hold me, please? ...Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-05 02:15:47 |  Rating: | Views: 74 | Comments: 1 | Tags: death 
Existence is a measure of belief...
I'll deal with the paperwork, I'll deal with their stress at having to make the arrangements, I'll deal with decisions, I just can't deal with the fact that he's gone. I always put off calling him because in the back of my head I never thought it mattered. He always called when he felt like it,......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-05 22:41:58 |  Rating: | Views: 48 | Comments: 0 | Tags: death 
One thousand paper cuts soaked in vinegar.
I feel like I want to say something, at the same time nothing at all. I'm irritated because I can't feel anything, as if I already cried myself out to my full potential and my grieving is done. It's back to the happy old Svet. But no - this can't possibly be it, it terrifies how I can let......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-07 21:05:21 |  Rating: | Views: 1 | Comments: 0 | Tags: death love 
Can you please sing me to sleep?
I left my phone on silent. I'll check it once in a while to see if I get any text messages. I'm only waiting for one particular one. I'm only waiting for one particular person. I just want to check if the being unable to feel thing now applies to everything. ...Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-07 21:19:00 |  Rating: | Views: 43 | Comments: 0 | Tags: numb 
Finishline
I will be concise about this. I've never known what hate was like, I was apathetic to the emotion of hate, because never knew that it could be involuntary. But the way it goes... I hate her for hurting you and treating you like you are nothing, which made me feel horrible, made me want to fix......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-12 01:12:08 |  Rating: | Views: 41 | Comments: 0 | Tags: endings 
Don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about it. We're not getting anywhere discussing this. I just want to get away, but my insides don't want to forget. I'm sorry that I can't forget how much it hurts, how much you lie, how many promises were broken. I'm sorry if I find it hard to believe that I mean......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-13 16:11:01 |  Rating: | Views: 37 | Comments: 0 | Tags: talk 
Would you leave your life and ride?
I feel bad because I do all these useless things instead of actually trying to figure out myself. Writing in here is what helps me do it, but I never do. Well... I knew what happened as soon as I got that text message from him saying he's done. They broke up. She broke up with him. And no, I......Read More
Posted on: 2008-04-17 23:30:27 |  Rating: | Views: 1 | Comments: 0 | Tags: friends love Denver 

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