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he knows what happened

Up until I met my current boyfriend, I did a lot of hiding. When you bury everything, there's a point that it's going to explode back up. After my son was released from the hospital, and I knew that there was no other choice than to do it.... I did it. Imagine.... I had in-laws telling me that my husband didn't do anything because he was just covering up for me. They were saying that I had caused the damage to my own son. No, I didn't. After my husband confessed, he turned around and said that he didn't shake Nick. I went into the jail a couple of times to see him only because his family insisted that I did and at the time I was trying really hard to keep the peace. Children services kept telling me that the in laws were only trying to offer their support.
On one visit, Matt (my husband) told me that while carrying Nick, he took a cup up the steps for our daughter and as he rounded the turn, he knocked Nick's head off of the wall. Yeah, I did believe him at first. By the next visit, I had knew that he was lying. So, I confronted him. He admitted to lying about it because he said that nobody wants to believe the truth. I told him that he needed to start being honest with himself before he could be honest with everyone else. He then confessed to shoving the bottle into Nick's mouth when he was only three weeks old causing a staph infection. I looked at him with tears streaming down my face and told him that I never wanted to talk to him again, and I didn't want to see him again, and walked out. That was in November last year and still haven't been back. He had sent me this huge letter shortly after that with all of his confessions. To be blunt, I have absolutely no clue who is was. He had lied to me so much. So very much. He tells his family and everybody else that he didn't do anything to Nick. In my opinion, he confessed to shaking him because he either shook him, or he done something else. HE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED. Why else would he confess? What if it was something totally different? Wouldn't that hurt Nick?
Anyways, I kind of veered off of the original topic. I had a lot of pain. I always had a smile. I had to. My kids needed me to be strong. Because of those smiles and all the hiding, I have two very happy kids. Even the children services see that. My in laws keep pushing us away. My case worker has no problem now that she has seen first hand what the in laws are capable of.
At night when my kids were in bed asleep, I would spend many hours crying. Trying to sort things out by myself, because I was alone. Then, there was a day that a couple of my neighbors kept checking up on me. Before going home for the night, they told me that if I needed anything to call them. Later that night I went outside to have a cigarette and just could not stop crying. I honestly wanted to walk down into the busy street and end it all. I wanted to give up. I called that neighbor. I kept crying.... couldn't stop. They got me on the phone with a help line. Was on there for 45 minutes. Finally after a few hours of non stop crying, I calmed down. Neighbors went home and I went to bed. I woke up the next moring as a whole new person. Everybody says that was my breaking point. Granted, I cried for most of it, but I didn't give in to temptations. Anybody that knew me before that, will tell you that something happened that night. I was able to get off of all anti depressants for one. With in a week I had gotten a call telling me that my son was approved for SSI. No more living off of $300 a month. Things really turned around for me.
I do believe that was my rock bottom. Maybe not.... maybe there was a twig that kept me from hitting the complete bottom. I do believe that there was somebody looking out for me. I guess I had to hit rock bottom in order to come back up. It can never be straight up, though, and my situation is far from being trouble free. I just take it one day at a time. Learn from one thing to the next....