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Where is the love?

Inside i still some how feel like that little girl who was 8 years old when her parents separated.

I have to get these feelings out because if i dont then i never will.

Its all screwed up. I'm 20 right now and still some how i feel that the best days of my life was when i was little up until i was eight. Just after i turned eight my parents separted and the family was torn. My mum got custody of me and my two other sisters and i was left with a hole inside my soul.

You kow the family before it happened was really close but its not like that anymore. Everyone hates everyone. I dont speak to my nephews anymore and they were around the same age as me. I loved them. My parents always say harsh things behind each others backs. No wonder i dont feel love. I have grown to be a young woman who has a family that's not close anymore and parents that bag each other out.

If i could describe myself it would be that i'm sensitive, careful, stubborn, where my heart on my sleeve (easily hurt), keep grudges., loving, caring, dreaming, hoping, alone. I have my friends! But i just feel dead...somehow

Sometimes i dont know where i belong, i mean i know im a christian and i have my beleives but i swear ever since i was a little gurl any one who hurt me never heard from me again or either knew it was hard for me to forgive their harsh words. My sister has ADHD and she can be very abusive both physically and mentally and the next moment she wants to be my best friend again and laugh her head off. :s

I swear i guard my heart soo much i just dont know who to trust. I was hurt so badly for falling in love with a non'christian guy that he brutally crushed my soul. Its taken my 5 years to get over that because i actually beleived he was the one? How could i be so stupid. I was sixteen at the time, now im 20.

Valentines day is tomorrow and i still have no hubby to call my own and im sick of seeing all these love birds. I swear i mean i treasure what they feel because i know in my heart and soul i want to one day experince that too. But i just dont know if i will. I bump into guys that are either literally gay, immature, too up them selves or just non christian. I swear when i was 16 i just knew i was in love because that feeling i felt was love and i never wanted it to go. But it did.

I think the reason why im soooo sensitive and easily hurt is because number one my parents dont know how to express love...i come from a brocken home and number two i fell in love with a guy who left me for some one else. Its really hard. I have to just be positive and just think some where around the corner is my Mr right, right?