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A Desperate Community

There are many communities that go largely ignored, mostly because there are so many other problems that need our immediate attention. The squeaky wheel get the oil. Those who yell the loudest are the ones that are heard. Many of us are part of or know someone who is a part of the community I wish to address, and it is that of single parents. The issue of single parenthood is one that affects us all. Many of us hail from single parent households. Most parents are single because of a failed relationship; some are single parents out of choice. I am not a single parent by choice, I am not well off, and I am indeed part of a desperate community. The fabric of our existence is survival.; survival of the fittest. There is very little downtime, and most of our waking moments are spent trying to bring normal to a crazy situation. There are time I cannot wrap my head around the fact that I am soley responsible for another human being, of their mind and their body. I am soley responsible of creating a human being that is responsible to themselves and their community, even as the walls of my world feel as if they want to collapse. Single parents smile when they want to cry. We create a wall of steel when we feel like jello. We don't get a whole lot of empathy, and we get a lot of "Well, if you were adult enough to have the kid, you should be adult enough to..." . What's often overlooked is that the single parent is the one who stayed. The single parent runs toward the brick wall and finds a way to jump over it. The single parent wades through the sadness, the fear, regret and desperation only to find more sadness, fear, regret and desperation occassionally peppered with victory. Victory can be anything from affording a nice meal out, or finding the perfect sitter for the perfect price. Victory can be finding an understanding boss, or going out to a movie with other adults. There is a lot to be said for these warriors who strive to bring balance to these little beings so that they can be prepared for the world; these sometimes emotionally shattered little beings. These little ones who wait for the "other" parent to show up on visitation day only to get a phone call instead, or perhaps nothing at all. The ones who live a life of quiet desperation but don't quite know it yet.

The world is full of adults who were loved by one parent. Many will say, "it's more than i ever had," however, I say that more parents should stay. We've become a desperate generation, anxious to move on to the next thing, not willing to suffer for the greater good. There are abusive situations where out of concern for safety, the parents should not remain together. However, many parents are all too willing to leave. The ache in that child's heart may heal over time, but as parents we should vow to make the lives of our little ones easier if we can. We are here to guide and protect our children. All too many parents are willing to toss that into the garbage for a newer relationship or a better life. I often look at celebrities and I am horrified at how these "parents" move on to the next relationship and flaunt their new life without giving a second thought as to how confused and neglected their children must feel. "Visitation Days" have taken the place of "Let's stay together and see if we can work it out." The single parent home is the new model and that is a scary place of us to be. Overworked and overwhelmed parents have taken the place of the more balanced home life. We can see the effects of this in many ways over the course of our day either through television, or even walking down the street. I am advocating for parents to try to stay together and work out the rough spots. If you have a problem with someone, chances are you will have that same problem with someone else. Who better to work things out than with the parent of your child?