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2007-09-10
I was thinking tonight… about many things one of which was something my friend said to me. He said that he thinks that we should all stop hating so much and basically learn to love one another. I’m paraphrasing what he said because it’s now a little after 6:00 am and I can’t go back and see what he said exactly. A conversation that started after he read some of The Book of Mormon, which I honestly thought was about to become very uncomfortable for me. We both have had our own battles with religion on both sides of the fence. Although, he said it himself that he has a different feel for what he believes in now. While he was talking… I was thinking of my own struggles and truthfully I have real trouble with all of it.
The problem for me comes from all the faith and so-called Christianity shoved down my throat as a kid. That constant push for me to obey and submit to the horrors of child abuse at the hands of a family member all because “God wanted me to or God only sent good little girls to heaven.” It was a real trouble for me then. I truly did start to hate God and then the entire religion. It was not just my step-uncle pushing this doctrine on me, but he had his own pastor involved in his little games and that man I will never truly forget. So sometimes when I think of the fact that here I am at my age, and it’s been many years since I made uncle stop hurting me. I think still of the way he got me to obey. And it strengthens my hatred. Yes, I hate him, I hate his faith, his religion… his god.
So then I think about the years after and the steps I took to become whole again and I see the Faith I have in my own self and in my beliefs in the Goddess that came later and helped me in so many ways. There was never this talk of “forgiveness of the abusers in my past.” Forgiveness had become this thought that if I forgave him, then basically I would be saying that what he did to me meant nothing. I could NOT do this. Various stages of my life and I could not forgive. I held the hatred to me. Even though I know for a fact that he does not hate me, I do see and/or hear from him a few times a year. Yet still I hate him. For what I wonder now… why am I holding onto it so much… why?
Then I think about the Christian faith and how I feel about it and what am I suppose to do there. I honestly don’t know how to change that. For the past 11 years I have had that basically shoved down my throat at every opportunity. That my mate still to this day thinks that I can be converted to his fundamentalism is just a laugh riot to me. I have never looked to him to convert to Paganism… to my belief is Druidism, Faery Wicca, Witta, Celtic Shamanism or any of the branches of Paganism that my Solitary beliefs come from. I try always to remember what I am doing… to be supportive. Something’s though, are hard to be supportive for.
Then I think back to the last few months and I realize that I have mellowed some, because I am in fact supportive more to my friends, and this same Christian faith that I have in the past spent so much time hating. I find myself reading through their faith book and looking for passages and verses that I remember from when I was confirmed in junior high, because I know there are sections that that I can use, which will have feeling for him. I am not sure I would do that for anyone else. So it brings me back to this and why its on my mind… I kept thinking about what he said tonight about less hatred and more love… and it reminded me of one of the few Christian songs that I like… Third Day’s “Come Together.”
The song basically has this message. I know because I have heard it so often that I know just about all of the lyrics to it. Yes, I am Pagan and I don’t believe in the Christian god, but I do occasionally listen to some Christian music. Third Day, Jeremy Camp, Chris Rice… and I occasionally like to sit and watch the movie, Joshua. Maybe it doesn’t fit what you might think of me, those that know me. I am multi-faceted. As is my taste in music, movies, and books.
What I want to say is this… we should all try to accept one another, learn to love each others differences… accept one another. Love each other. Stop all the hating. Learn to get along regardless of one’s Faith in Goddess, god, Allah, Buddha, or any other deity we worship.
Acceptance. Love. These are important tenets of the faith of life.
Come Together – Third Day
You can all call me crazy
For the things that I might say
You can laugh all you want to
I know there will come a day
When we all will come together
And learn to set aside our hate
If we could learn to love our neighbors
Just like we would love ourselves
We've got to come together
'Cause in the end we can make it - alright
We've got to brave the weather
Through all of the storms
We've got to come together
'Cause in the end we can make it - alright
We've got to learn to love
You can call me a dreamer
But these dreams will come true
Yes, I am a firm believer
In the things that we can do
If we would all just come together
And let the Lord lead our way
There is nothing that we can't do
There is nothing we can't face
I know that there will come a day
When the Lord will call His own away
To a place that He has made for all of us
But until the day of His return
There's a lesson that we've got to learn
We are brothers and we're sisters
We are one.
***Dedicated: To Will & Joann: For showing me that Forgiveness doesn't have to mean Forgetting and in so doing, I was finally able to start forgiving myself, little by little.
My uncle timothy is dead and the house he lived was burned down with him in it. He was a born again christian. But Id rather like to believe that KARMA is a bitch, and her name is Goddess Hecate. She is the Goddess of Vengeful Payback; and she does take Vengeance on men like him who hurt and prey on little girls who cannot defend themselves, as well as women who cannot fight back.
I am making my way back, I am Victim no more, I have Survived many of the most Horrific things people can think of. I will LIVE & LOVE.
~Blessings
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Posted by elvenbeads on 2009-08-16 05:23:53 | Rating: | Views: 21
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