So, I just moved to LA. Reason unknown. My whole life I have justed wanted to know who I was. for some reason, I have been constantly scared of who I am. Maybe it's because deep down I know who I am and the superficial me is still hunting to find what I think I should be. I know I'n a hypocrite. I know I am a liar and a manipulator. I know I canuse my femininity to get what I want. I know that I tear down the people I don't like. I know I am capable of sabotage...especially to myself. I am hurtful and mean to others. Maybe I am just jealous. Why does everyone seem so sure of themselves. Man that pisses me off. I never went to college. I mean like the whole dorm thing. I never got to move 500 miles away from my family and discover who I was. No, I just stayed at home cocnvincing myself thta I was having the same experiences that all my peers were having. So now I am here. In LA. Confused. As hell. I want a cup of coffee but my coffee maker got left at home. Boo. I live with two guys. They aren't really my people.  I have a tiny bedroom in a townhouse in redondo Beach. I never thought Iwould be here. For the first time, I have to actually take care of myself, and damn that's hard. I have to buy groceries.I have to buy gas, go to work, cocme home. Usually, I am just distracted by boys or beer. Boo. So, I had all these big plans. I was gonna do something when I got here. I was gonna figure out what  I really wanted from life. All I am now is more lost thanI ever was. WhenI get confused about life, I sorta self-destruct. For me, it dosen't take much to feel dissapointed in myself. I have beendrunk 3 times in the last week, I peirced my nose, and I haven't done my laundry or my taxes. Yikes. I am a mess. Living back home, I could usually get someone to do this stuff for me. I told you I was a manipulator. so for now this is where I am. Lost by means of LA.