I think I'm breaking out into mine.
 

     "The Great Escape" ...it's a good song. Especially if you're sitting in your bedroom alone with "What Not To Wear" on mute.

It makes it more dramatic.
You should try it.

But yes, I'm analyzing my situation at the moment. Dark, smoke-filled room with good music and television that you're not even paying attention to...at least I have the fan going (which is more than I can say about most of the bars/clubs around Dallas...)

     But yes, my class is supposed to start a week from this coming Tuesday and I have nothing concrete at the moment. I haven't even paid registration because I don't have the money for it. But I'll come up with it. You just watch, hehe.

My evening hasn't been a complete bomber. I went looking at motorcycles with my best friend earlier. And what have I been saying all along, sir?

Motorcycles are sexy.
Yes.

     Anyway, after the motorcycle hunt we went over to a (now) mutual friend of ours and chilled for quite some time.

There was wine.
And there was queso.

I've found wine does not sit well with queso, people.
Just lettin' ya know...

But they were trying to involve me in the conversation as much as possible and, of course, love life came up.
[insert celibate discussion here] And our friend was joking I'm sure, but he was trying to find me someone and saying that he could introduce me to some people... This led to an interesting little tangent I proceeded to entertain inside my head of why exactly I was doing this to myself.

Buddha knows I love sex, haha.

However, it's like I'm starting to see sex as a more juvenile behavior. Could it be that I'm maturing and ready to have an actual relationship that fulfills all my needs? I started to ponder this. All of my relationships, my sexuality, anything to do with the "wrong lifestyle" - my mother won't accept. So it's not like I could actually bring any of these girls home to meet her with her actually knowing...

Maybe...just maybe...I've been picking the wrong girls on purpose...and this is why I'm being driven to this extreme...because I want something more than a little fling that won't ever go anywhere.

These "relationships" have been games.
Practice modes.
Excuses.

A thousand little crush crutches, if you will.

Damn subconscious. It always seems to bite me when I'm not looking.
It's been a good week, however. My life is slowly beginning to move.

And it's forward, ho.
Not straight.

That was a silly pun. Forgive me.
I'll hopefully have something more secular next week instead of just talking about myself.

Ah, but I'm sure you don't mind.
I'm oh-so-intriguing.

[sirens]