Well, I guess the best way to start one of these things is to just begin writing.
So, this is my first ever blog. I decided it was time to jump on the bandwagon, plus I don't want to keep a diary which my parents could read.
I guess I'll start with me.
I'm 18, which isn't as exciting as it sounds. Basically I have all the responsibilities of an adult (voting, work, not getting allowance) without the alcohol to take the edge off of life.
Okay, so I'm pretty tall, 5 foot 8, and I have blue eyes and dyed dark brown hair. My worst features are my eye brows, I don't know why, but they go up at the ends, like they have wings. I cut them, but they never look like normal eye brows. I also don't like the fact that I have a zit the size of Russia on my cheek right now :( I would definitely say I'm beautiful, but I'm also biased, it's hard to judge.

I was born and raised in Toronto, Canada, I have never moved. I am desperate for some change in my life, which is probably why I started this blog in the first place, this is my  first step towards change, or at least it will give me somewhere to kill my boredom and complain about my boring life.

I love love love the world, I'm a geography nut, and I love going to different countries. This passion was recently ignited by an amazing trip to India. I traveled to india with a small group of 6 students, where we worked in an orphanage in the state of Tamil Nadu for 3 weeks. It was my first exposure to poverty, and I know its going to sound corny, but it changed me.

Another reason for my desire to travel would be my high school. I attended a private international school in toronto, where my friends grew up in places like iran, jordan, singapore and switzerland. Because of this exposure to so many world citizens, I learned a lot about foreign cultures, and I grew even more aware of the fact that Canada would never cut it for me, I need some adventure.

I really really really want to go on a real life adventure, like in movies!

what else can I talk about? how about my three best friends in the whole world. Betsy, Tina and Maddy. They don't know about this blog either, this is a completely personal private thing that I don't want anyone to know about.
Betsy and I became fast friends in grade 9. I feel that out of all three of them I have the most in common with betsy. We were both raised in Toronto, we're both tall brunettes and we both have gone through tough times concerning boys and drugs.
Tina is from Iran, she's super crazy and out going. She can make friends with anyone, it's incredible, just the other night we were at luminato and she asked some hot boys for a light for her cigarette, next thing I know we're all heading down to Savage together, and I'm getting a super hot boys cell number. How she does it, I have no clue. Tina moved to Canada in grade 11, but I only really became very close with her at the beggining of grade 12.
Finally Maddy, she's a darling with a dark side. She grew up in Canada, but has lived in Singapore, and england! which is totally crazy. Maddy showed up at my school half was through grade 11, and we bonded over our common hatred of trigonometry. 

I'm going to tell you something, but you have to promise to never tell any of those three, when I compare myself to them, I don't understand why they're friends with me.
I feel like a lot of people think I have the perfect life, but they don't realize all of my insecurities. All people see is a beautiful girl, whose parents are rich, and who has great friends and a good education. They don't understand how critical I am of myself, because my mother is critical of me, and they don't know about how I live two lives, to the point where I'm not even sure of my own identity.

I have a secret, which I will put on here, because I know that nobody will ever find it. I use drugs. I know some of you stoners are laughing like "hahahaha" but seriously, its not just weed. I have used Weed, Oxy contin, Zoloft, Codein, nitrous oxide, shrooms, ritalin and in a week I will have tried acid. My parents don't even think I drink alcohol. I tried to hide it from everyone, but my friends caught on. Just to clear the air, I haven't used any pharmaceuticals in 6 months, not counting some tylenol 3's which I had to take to kill the pain when I broke my ankle, and those were given to me by my doctor, with a prescription. okay, so thats pretty much all I want to say about that, I don't really feel like sharing.

anyways, onward!

I'm going to share some of my insecurities about boys. I'm worried that I will never have another boyfriend, and I'll die without ever feeling truly loved. My highschool only had 39 students in my graduating class, 19 of which are boys, most of them have the personality of mud, a lot of them smell bad, most of them are un attractive.
There was one boy I liked, but one of my best friends is fucking him, which means I will never get with him. He's hilarious, we have the same taste in music, he's chillin', we smoke weed together on a regular basis and I always have a good time when we hang out. sigh. such is my life, in a world of frogs the only prince belongs to another princess.  I'm not going to say his name, because I'm worried he'll read this.

I have to clean my room because the cleaning lady is comming tomorrow (isn't that weird how my mum makes me clean up for the cleaning lady?) I think it's all about image, my mum doesn't even want the lady who does our dirty laundry to know we have dirty laundry.

anyways, I wrote a lot, I want no one I know to ever find this, because it is filled with a lot of regrets, embarassments and hopes. I'm a very sensitive person, and criticism and jokes sometimes hit hard.


Thanks

jessie