I've had a lot of time to think and I must say that some of the resentment that had so mercilessly taken a hold of me has now disappeared. It was probably due to the fact that he was texting and calling me every day, so I knew that he wasn't enjoying himself without me. Its sad really because I tried my best to hide my true feelings to make sure that it didn't make him feel bad, but the feelings surfaced on his part all on their own. He called me last night and this morning, practically in tears. He had an argument with her early on in the holiday and they pretty much enjoyed their time on their own. I felt bad for him.

Although he got to do all the things he wanted to, see the Sahara explore the local culture and snorkel he did it all on his own. Poor sod. To top it off he said that he couldn't enjoy himself because he was missing me so much. He spent well over £100 in phone calls and texts to me. This morning he wouldn't stop apologising and saying that he would never leave me behind again. But I told him not to be silly, if he wanted to go on holiday with his mates I wasn't going to stop him. Somehow this week has given me a whole new perspective.

I think I became so wrapped up in this relationship that I'd lost sight of myself. It happens when you're so used to spending every minute of every day together. I no longer felt abandoned or left behind by him. In fact I found myself catching up with my friends and having a really good time. I found myself missing him less and less, not in the horrible sense that I didn't care about him but more in the sense that I realised that the world (or at least my world) didn't revolve around him. It was a very empowering moment for me.

I wonder if every one does that? I've heard frequently from time to time that friends often forget each other when entering into new relationships. I would hate the thought that I did that to my friends. I'm lucky in the sense that unlike my previous boyfriend J doesn't try to stop me from hanging out with my mates whenever I want to. My ex would frequently make me feel guilty about it and if I invited him to join us he would flat out refuse.

J is a lot of things that my ex wasn't which I'm very thankful for. He's kind, caring, considerate (at times and to a fault), fun, friendly, trustworthy, reliable, respectful, hardworking, ambitious and extremely generous. I really couldn't ask for more. My lack of trust permeated from my previous relationship with my ex. It's strange how time apart allows you to reflect with ease.

I spoke to his mum about it last night too, she was very understanding. Another thing that I really love about J is his relationship with his mum and family in general. They're all very close and respectful. Something I'd never experienced before. She knows how I'm feeling and she did tell me that he would regret his decision as soon as he got there and the reality of it hit him, she also said that he would fall out with her before the holiday was over…it's almost like she's a psychic…that or knows her son very well.

Well I'm off to have lunch, all this hard work has given me an appetite ;-)