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| ....AND THEN I HEARD MY NAME ! ! !
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Couldn't sleep last nite......so I made the phone call. I heard it ringing and then someone picked up. 'I know it's late but can I please come over?' I asked hoping I would get the OK to go. 'Sure, it's fine, come on over', I could hear his voice on the other end speak with a feeling that I knew I would be welcomed when I got there in spite of the very late hour. Ran a brush through my hair and slipped on my jeans. 'I must be crazy to be doing this' is all I could think but still I needed to. I needed to be close to someone.
The door was open when I got there and I quietly slipped in making no noise at all. I walked down the hallway and slowly pushed open the bedroom door and saw them. I took off my sandals and pulled back the covers and slipped into bed beside them. My arm immediately went around them and I could feel them rustling beneath the covers. 'HI MOM'.......I said to her. 'Hope you don't get angry for me being here so late but I sort of needed to be close to you tonight'. 'I'll just lay here and talk to you a little'.
It's so quiet......just the sound of the ticking clock.....her breathing.....my heart beating.......and the distant chatting of the nurses at their station. I gave her a slight hug and saw how pale she was compared to me.....so white was her skin......I held her hand noticing that our hands are so much alike....
she always said I got my hands from her. It made me smile just thinking about that conversation.......I was about 6 and we were doing dishes......I said how my hands were too little and she said 'Thats bc you have my hands'. I remember thinking 'how do I have my mom's hands?'....and she went on to explain about how I got my blue eyes and blonde hair from my grandma T and my little hands from her and my temperment from my dad.....which I still have. :)
I looked at the clock and it was almost 3:30 a.m.Where did the entire night go? I hadn't slept all night just was laying there being close to my mom. I told her about things that have been happening in my life. I told her about the wonderful weekend I had and the new friends I have made. I told her about the Texas Stalker.....(thats a post in of itself)......I described the beautiful event I was fortunate to witness recently and I could hear her stirring. I moved a little and then I heard it'Sarah?' 'is that you?'........just like I had so many years ago. I sat up next to her and asked her to please say it again.....'Its me mom'......'I'm here'......'please say my name again'......I could feel the tears in my eyes just like I do now as I sit here reliving the entire night. I just want to hear it one more time.....and was so sad that it didn't happen. But I heard it loud and clear last nite and it was like music to my ears. Better than any song in the universe. My mom saying my name was the most wonderful thing ever. I cried silently for a long time just letting the tears flow bc I knew she loved me still. 'Somewhere in there' she remembered my name. 'Somewhere in there' she was still 'mom'.
I have some great dreams.....wonderful dreams but none even slightly compared to last night with my mom.......:)
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Posted by dreampower on 2008-05-29 17:19:29 | Rating: | Views: 116
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Aww Sars what a beautiful post. Wish I could hug you right now.
Your Mum does know you deep down. I'm so sorry for your pain... but she loves you and always will
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-29 17:39:34
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e2s hey sis,
I felt like a miracle happened...I just wanted to stay and stay. I wish you were here to hug me too bc I could sure use one.... someday though ..fab 5 remember? love you S
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-05-29 18:27:53
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Wow..this hit me. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. How do you face all this girl? You amaze me...
*hugs*
wishing you loads of happiness in life. this post touched my heart. i really and truly feel for you.
I'm glad that night was so special for you...
xxx
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-05-30 03:19:28
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AW It is one of the most difficult things I have had to deal with....My heart is turned topsy turvy a lot 'waiting' for her to 'see'me or 'know' me....I miss her so much angelwings....:(
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-05-30 15:35:37
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Sweetie, I told you about this...I told you she KNOWS you are there, just MOST of the time she THINKS she is talking to you, although her voice doesn't actually come out of her mouth. In her mind though, she is talking to you. That nigth you were laying with her, she without knowing, spoke the words she was thinking. That illness is very complicated. But Honey she knows you are there, and she does love you. Please don't ever doubt that!!!
Luv U
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Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-05-30 21:21:45
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KD I know this now....its still very upsetting...but I know she is there...ty
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-05-31 18:47:51
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Im so sorry girl...i wish there was something i could do or say to make you feel better. We're all here for you, always... (i know thats not much help, but you have the emotional support)
*hugs*
you're really strong, Sarah...we'll be ur strength...
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-06-02 03:18:06
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im sorry for asking but what is going on with ur mom i was just readyng ur post and stumbled acros this one which touche me a lot
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Posted by whatonlyisee
on 2008-06-05 22:57:01
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Aw...thanks and sorry it took so long to reply. I didn't know it was here...:(
I will need the strength of my friends both here and at home....S
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-06-06 16:17:20
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whatonlyisee...My mom is in the last stages of alzhiemers...It is a terrible disease that robs ppl of their loved ones...I hate it so badly...Thank you for your kind words.
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-06-06 16:19:35
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ooucchh,this post got me..it touches me a lot,it reminds me of my mom too..she was still here but she's far away from me..huhu,how i wish i could be with my mom as many time as i could..thanks sarah for reminding me of my mom and how great our mom is..
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Posted by izone
on 2008-06-11 17:23:01
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