i wish i could just tell you. that i could just come out with it, blurt it out, "it's you. you are him. you are the letter that i can't have. you, m, are that boy." but why, is it worth it? is it ever worth it. i dated my best friend for 8 months and now we don't talk any more. he was my best friend. i told him every thing. we are not as close as that, but i still wish i could tell you. sure i guess it is pointless but it still eats at me sometimes, and there are all those what if's. and then you tell me about your letters, the girls that you have an interest in. abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. and i help you plot and scheme and find ways to get their attention.  you tell me about the latest one, how you held her hand, or how it felt when you kissed her.  how you wrote her a poem or made her dinner, or took her to a movie. and i nod and smile and tell you i hope things go your way. ah i wish i could tell you.