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1/21
Well, a little back story. I have been "dating" a married man for almost 9 years now. Wow. Whenever I say it, think about it or actually write it, it seems so cliche. But, in April (4/9 to be exact), it will be 9 years.
I go back and forth so much. You know, he really is going to leave, then maybe he isn't. How about the times I think, I don't care, whatever time we have is fine. I just love him so much, even if he doesn't leave that is fine. I let things go, like when he gives dates of when he is leaving and doesn't. He needs to get this promotion before he leaves, that comes and goes, still there. He needs to have his sons be this age, that comes and goes, still there. He needs for his wife to be back at work, she has been working for years now, he is still there. He needs to be able to retire, that has come and gone to, still there. WTF.
Well, after yesterday, I'm not so sure. I have been inviting him down here to look at a house I'm thinking of buying. And, he couldn't come down yesterday because he had promised his kids that he would take them skiing. So, I called him a couple of times yesterday and finally he called me back at around 9:30p. The kids and i were on the couch watching TV. I asked all the usual questions "how was your day?", "did you freeze". And, he said that all and all it was a pretty nice day. He said that he and his one son skied together all day, then stopped short. Hmm, interesting. He has two sons. Finally, I asked where was his other son, long pause. "well, he was with ____". What? His wife went? Funny, I thought they hated each other, and even funnier that he didn't mention this before. I hate when people lie by ommision.
When I finally say something about the cozy family get away he balks. Well, it isn't like that and that isn't how it came off. On and on about how he didn't think it was a big deal, blah blah blah. Well, it is a big deal. He was supposed to fucking move out by the 15th of this month! What happened to that deal? And, that was his own self imposed leave the bad marriage deadline.
G and I started dating when I was 18, we worked together at a job. We dated for a year or so, I was so in love with him and he always just kept me at arms length. The sex was always great, always. But, we were both young and dumb. So, we both moved back to our home states and towns, me to northern Delaware and he to Baltimore. We kept in touch for many years. He always stayed in one place, at the same job and very stable. I, on the other hand, moved all the time. To and from Europe four times. So, in my early 30's we lost touch. However, he was always my first real love. The one that I would do just about anything for.
Then one night when I was pregnant with my son I had a dream about him. I don't remember exactly what it was about now. But, it really spoke to me. So, I called his old job the next day. He was still there but at a different position. After many days of phone tag, we finally got to speak. It was so nice to hear from him again. He always cared for me and wanted nothing but the best for me. He was one of those people I would trust with my life. We talked on the phone for months. Almost everyday, sometimes more. Kind of like old times. He had a two sons, one was just a couple of months old, I had a daughter who was two and was pregnant with my son.
We were both married, neither happily. His wife was crazy and my husband was a bi-polar/porn/sex/recovering alcoholic loser who couldn't keep a job or really even gave a shit. So, we decided to meet anyway. I think we both thought that this was just going to be a friendly meeting. I mean, I was pregnant, we were both married and had given the illusion of being happily married, what is the harm? Well, we met at a Mall that was about half way between where we were living. I was living in NJ at the time. So, we ate lunch, went to the Mall and walked around, all seemingly very innocent. Or, so I thought.
That meeting sparked a new relationship that I never thought would happen. A couple of weeks later we decided to meet again, at the same Mall. I remember calling back and forth on the phone that morning. Should we get a room? What was really going to happen? So, he pulled up and said for me to get into his car, he had gotten us an early check in at a Motel by telling them that his wife was pregnant and was feeling sick. The moment I got into that car we just connected. Physically, emotionally, mentally. It was crazy. My heart was in my throat.
Ugh, you know what I can't really write about this. I just really wanted to write about how pissed I was, and how not to forget. I keep forgetting, forgiving, and being a fucking fool. This isn't the first time that he has lied to me this way, probably won't be the last until I do something about it. But, what should I do? I think that I really need to stop all communication with him. I don't really think that there is any other way. Just focus on my kids, work and finding a house. So, that is that. Today I will just focus on the kids and work, the house will wait for another week or so.
I feel like a 12 stepper. Is there some sort of way to come down from a relationship? What are the steps and how do I go about them? |
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Posted by donnae11 on 2008-01-21 08:01:46 | Rating: | Views: 104
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everyone has a rainbow---enjoy the glimmer---there usually isn't any gold-------------.
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Posted by needstotalk
on 2008-01-21 08:22:59
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Can you let him go for your kids? Think about the message that you are sending your son. . . it is ok to cheat on your wife. What about your daughter? That it is ok to settle like this? You say that you love him. But, will he be there for you? What if you get sick? What if you are in trouble? Wouldn't you rather have someone who will? One more thought: was your first marriage so bad that you are afraid of a committed relationship? You deserve better, everyone deserves better than this.
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Posted by Seaberic
on 2008-01-21 08:47:43
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I hate to say, but if he hasn't left by now he's not going to. And apparently, if he were to leave her for you, he would have no qualms whatsoever about dating someone behind your back.
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Posted by ladiegodiva
on 2008-01-22 15:14:53
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