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| Unhappily Married need advice please
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I am writing this blog because I have a big problem and I dont think I can look to family and friends for advice because how judgemental and bais they might be. Ill start with a little background about myself and my marriage before I get to the situation. My wife and I are both 22 and we have been married for almost three years. She is my highschool sweetheart and we married right before I left to Iraq to serve in the United States Army. She waited for me all that time and stood by me 100% percent. When I came back from Iraq we began the married life even though we had been married for a year. We moved into an apartment together and have been living there ever since. We have been very fortune because at an early age without anyones help we have accomplished many things. She is a service manager at a dealership making 65k a year and I work for a consulting company making 50k. Because we do well for ourselves we live a pretty good life Style. This is all about to change because even though we live the good life my wife is extremly unhappy at her job. Her dream is to become a Registered nurse. She wants to go back to school. This will be hard on us because we will no longer be able to live the way we do with my salary alone. There is no way she can go back to school and leave her job because of the bills we have. She cannot have a job and go to school at the same time because of the time that is needed to complete this program. I have told her this and It hurts me to know that because we decided to get married so young it is a lot harder to go back to school. Basically as long as she is married with me she will not be able to go back to school and have to stay at a job she hates with a passion. I feel so guilty that she cant go to school. I know that if we got a divorce she could go back to school because her parents are well of and would take her back in a heart beat and pay her way the whole time she is in school. I for a while have not been happy in this marriage. I have realized that we got married way to young and I was not prepared to be married for the rest of my life. I am still very young and I like to go out with my friends and have fun. My wife does not like to do any of these things. She likes to stay home and read books. I want her to come out with me and have a good time especially because we have money and can afford to do lots of things. She is very conservative and more or less of a plain jane where I am an out going person and live to explore new things all the time. I am bored in my relationship and find myself wanting to be out more then being at home with my wife. Because of this I have been kind of numb to her. I know that I am just not ready to be married. I have cheated on her since we have been married because like a young guy I just want to experience everything and have fun. She is a beautiful girl who is totally commited in our relationship and I have nothing to complain about her except for what I mentioned earlier. She is the woman I would love to marry 7 years from now after I am done being young and dumb. It seems like I should just leave her but there is alot of things that come into play. Finance and property wise there is no problem because I would give her everything she wants. What scares me is her emotional state. She is a depressive girl and once overdosed on pills when we got in a really big arguement. She loves me to death and does not think anything is wrong. She is so in love with me that even if she found out i cheated she would still stay with me. I dont want to just stay in this relationship because i am afraid of what might happen to her. Especially because if we stay married she cant go back to school which she wants with all her might. I dont want to stop her from going to school and i know that if i called it a quits she would be able to go back to school. Other wise i will still probably cheat on her and she will continue to be working. I want her to be happy and go to school but i dont know if she will be happy if i leave her. i dont want her to lose an opportunity because i want to keep her an emotionally happy knowing that she is better off with out me and being able to persue her dream to be a nurse. Please give me your opinion on what you think of the matter. I know i must be stupid for what i have done to a girl who deserves the world but i am just to young and stupid to realize what i have. If i could only just meet her 7 years from now then everything would be perfect.
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Posted by dm181985 on 2008-05-22 19:15:24 | Rating: | Views: 153
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Easy answer really, either you do it or you don't do. From the "background" info-I'd have to say it's not fair to either one of you to keep on if you are not completely vested in it. Don't take this the wrong way, it just seems that the "fair" thing to do would be to leave the girl-not cheat on her and be miserable.
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Posted by ladiegodiva
on 2008-05-22 19:32:50
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The easiest thing to do is just quit on your marriage,however you should man up,treat her right and do everything in your power to make things better. If she loves you as much as you say ,no career is as important to her as you are. Think about it,are you really concerned with doing whats right by her, or are you looking for a excuse to bail.
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Posted by christianity247
on 2008-05-22 20:14:27
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Hmmm.... I think if you want something bad enough you can find a way of getting it without giving up everything else in your life. You say you are well off and have a good life style. I say then there must be a lot of room to downsize your life and your expenses. Think about it - there are one parent families out there getting by on one income. Why couldn't you two get by on one full time and one part time income whilst she studies? Its common place here - no one here expects to study without a part time job... and one and a half incomes is enough for two people to get by modestly without missing out on the basics.
But... I don't think that's the real question here. You want your freedom. Well... think carefully 'cause you won't get her back in 7 years time when you're ready. Is she your soulmate?
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Posted by crashing_down
on 2008-05-22 20:42:56
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It's pretty obvious to me that you are attempting to justify ending your marriage. It apparently makes you feel better to twist it around and make it sound like it's in her best interest. It IS in her best interest, but not in the way that you are fooling yourself into thinking. It has nothing whatsoever to do with her wanting to go back to school, and everything to do with you discovering that you don't want to be married. These three people who have commented ahead of me are very wise and you should seriously give some consideration to what they've said. If you don't have the stones to own up to your commitment, and obviously you don't, then cut her loose and let her heal and go play with your friends.
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-05-22 23:19:27
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You may have answered your own question. Just be a man and tell her what you have said here. I also married early and even when things are absolutley perfect and you are madly in love with one another- marriage is still alot of work. You are not invested in this marriage. You both should move on and find happiness elsewhere, before you have kids and things get really complicated. There is nothing wrong with you, you are just a young man who knows what he wants and needs. She needs ot be honest with herself too. Women have a tendancy to bury their head in the sand when we are in love with someone, she probably on some level knows its not working, just be the one to lay your cards on the table first.
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Posted by ANNACCS
on 2008-05-23 08:31:58
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Believe me, you'll be doing her a favor in the long run if you just admit that you're not committed to this marriage. You've been through hell, no doubt, with your Iraq experiences; but she deserves to be with someone who really wants to work on, and enjoy, a relationship. Don't worry about her. If she has the smarts to become a nurse, she should pursue that. If you stand in her way, she's going to have regrets and resentment is going to build against you. That's no way to grow a marriage.
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Posted by lro930
on 2008-05-23 13:40:27
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Instead of acting like a little boy you need to grow up and deal with your situation. There alot of people that got married young and if you truly love her keep it in your pants and get a 2nd job so you can support her. It seems that you just want an excuse out of marriage b/c you haven't grown up. Even if you do wait 7 years not much will change. If you want her to go to college and see her happy than it takes alot of work on your behalf. I got married just as young and my husband works fulltime and part time and busts his ass to make our family work and thrive. Your still wanting to hang out with the boys and drink beers. Your a man now and there is more to life than just having fun. If you truly love and care for this women get a 2nd job it isn't going to be easy but life isn't easy. And even if you waited 7 years to get married it doesn't change much b/c marriage is hard work and alot of work and that doesn't change. Any marriage takes teamwork. You were in the services and you know how important teamwork is and this goes for your marriage. If your not fully dedicated or committed you need to fess up to your loving and committed wife and stop fooling her. Its alot more painful for a woman to find out unexpectedly that her man is cheating than from hearing it from you. So make the right choices and be a man and stick by the commitments you've made.
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Posted by lucyLuu1227
on 2008-05-30 15:26:41
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