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| Soda + face paint + parking tickets = hardcore?
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Few things piss me off so quickly as those that don't think for themselves, and instead inherit their views and opinions from the groups that they associate with. And I could spend days going on and on about the various groups that fall into this category (Emo, 'Gangsta', etc), but instead, I'll just talk about the most irritating of them all, and be done with it (for now).
If you take all of the weak willed, weak minded mental midgets under the age of 20 in a given area, bring them all together, give them Costco boxes of face paint, soda, and a trend they can blindly follow and think they're hardcore while they're doing it, what do you get?
Why, you get the inferior breed known as Juggalos and Juggalettes, of course. For those that don't know, a "Juggalo" or a "Juggalette" is the term of choice for rabid, unquestioning fans of the 'band' ICP. Everytime I walk past the local concert venue, and I see "ICP whatever date", I make a mental note to avoid the neighborhood on that evening. For one pure and simple reason. It is ordinarily impossible to have more than ten seconds conversation with an ICP fan without wanting to push them in front of a fast moving vehicle. On a concert night, they become unbearable. They spread as a pestilence from the epicenter of the concert hall to all nearby businesses and streets and parks; they're like rats, they get everywhwere.
ICP stands for Insane Clown Posse, a group out of Michigan that is occasionally identified as "rap/horrorcore". While I really have no idea what horrorcore is supposed to be, it is obviously a concatenation of the words horror, and hardcore. ICP is indeed horrifying. What can you imagine that is more horrifying than two grown men slathering themselves with clown make-up and making a music group out of it? Well, I can actually imagine several things more horrifying than that, Rosie O'Donnel among them, but grown men in clown makeup are up the list.
As for "hardcore", there is decidedly none harder than ICP. Here, let me prove it to you with some of their lyrics from a song of theirs called "How long?".
-The starting lyrics to the song
"How many times will I ask myself why, how many times?
How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry?"
How many times will I CRY? Do I even have to continue? Ok, I will.
-Stupid drivers (every rappers bane)
"How many times will you honk your horn and say fuck you?
Now what the fuck does that do?
Ya feel better now? I didn't let ya pass
How 'bout I stop my car, and beat your fuckin' ass?"
-Traffic jams (think about how many drive-by's rappers must miss because of them)
"How many times will I sit in a hot car?
Traffic jam, been sittin' for a fuckin' hour
Must be an accident, I hope nobody died
Finally get there, and the crash is on the other side!"
-And of course, parking tickets (nothing shows disregard for the law like getting a traffic ticket)
"How many times will I wait in a line?
It's three-thirty, I fuckin' got here at nine
I'm finally up to the front, can't wait another minute
Why am I here? to pay a fucking parking ticket"
Wow. Truly hardcore. Still not convinced? In the ultimate hardcore maneuver, ICP has created their own product line that they call Faygo. What is Faygo? It's soda pop. Very hardcore.
And somehow, they have still managed to sell the idea to countless directionless and unpromising youth that painting their faces, drinking Faygo, and screaming "Juggalo! Whoot!" makes them badasses. Nothing is more badass than a 16 year old child with face paint, sipping on soda, with no concept of just how pathetic they really are. Say "Bitch" a few more times, little Juggalo. You get more hardcore everytime you do. Let's see how hardcore you feel when you're making my lunch in a couple years, dumbass.
ICP tries to capitalise on rap music, but they suck at it. So instead, they redirect their music to a fan base that's easily fooled into thinking that face paint and a parking ticket are all it takes to make you hardcore. Neither ICP nor their fanbase contribute anything to society, with the exception of the great deal they spend on soda and candy at the businesses surrounding any concert venue that for some uninformed reason decides to host an ICP concert.
"START THINKING FOR YOURSELVES DUMBASSES!"
*The incredibly hardcore video for the song containing the lyrics quoted above can be found here. |
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Posted by dhcogito on 2008-04-08 16:57:43 | Rating: | Views: 170
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Ok first ICP didnt make Faygo Faygos been around since 1907 and it basicaly a less popular name brand of soda.
Second have you ever talked to a "juggalo" Im pretty sure ill take more than 10 secounds to get pissed of at em(unless you have really high standards and dont like the way they sound ...)
3rd about 97% of there songs arent to be taken serious (I mean comeon do you take a carnavel seriously)
4th the song you picked kidda sucked
5th All around this is your opinion right, everyone has different taste just cause I hate Heavy Metal rock to hell doesn't mean it suckz(all the thing you said almost mostly apply to heavy metal or rock in general that and eminem)
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Posted by Fstop
on 2008-05-29 03:52:12
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